The Lucky Helmet
by foxhenderson
Summary: Enjoy, if not, then keep your bad comments to yourself.   #hatersgonnahate
1. Big Time First Day

**Big Time First Day.**

I ran my hands through my hair one last time and accepted the bum-ish look that I wore. I walked out of the bathroom, into my room, and saw my lucky hockey helmet sitting on my dresser. Last night I made a wish as I held it, to me it would come true, to everyone else it was just an old black helmet. They didn't know the true meaning of why it was so special. My wish was to have a good first day of high school in this new town that my family had just moved to. I didn't know anyone and I needed all the luck I could get. If it was up to me I would wear it all day, but I didn't want to some off as a weirdo guy.

Within two years my little sister, Katie, and I have attended three different schools. We've stayed at the last one the longest, just so I could graduate middle school somewhere where I actually had friends and memories. Katie doesn't mind so much. She's eleven and she doesn't worry too much about leaving old friends, she's always been independent. I do kind of feel bad for her sometimes. I've always thought she could use a best friend. I never had one and I don't want my baby sister to be like me, friendless, alone.

I took one last look at my helmet, grabbed my backpack and left for school. We only lived three blocks from the high school so it didn't take long to walk there. East High was huge. It was the ideal high school. I found my way to my locker and punched in my code. There were no locks here. The lockers had buttons, we used codes. I organized my backpack and my beanie inside and took a look at my schedule. First hour was English nine, room 219. I made my way down the halls, watching other students walk by. They all seemed to know where they were going. I don't blame them, I was the one that missed orientation.

I found room 219 and walked in to find that I was the first one there. I took a seat way in the back. I never liked sitting in the front. I rested my head on my hand and watched as others students made their way in. Some walked in alone, others with friends. Most of the seats were filled when the teacher walked in. He wrote 'Mr. Smitty' on the board and made his way to his desk. The bell rang moments later and he began to introduce himself, when he was interrupted by the door swinging open. Everyone stared at the guy walking in with smiling faces.

He walked in with a confidence I'd never seen a person show. He had a gorgeous girl linked to each arm. Mr. Smitty gave him an angry look. I don't know if it was because this guy was tardy or because he probably gets more action than him.

_Who is he?_

_And why does everyone worship him?_

"Good morning everyone," the guy waved his sunglasses around.

"Carlos Garcia, please take a seat," Mr. Smitty snarled.

Carlos smiled and let the two girls go. He walked towards the back and took the empty seat next to mine. Everyone kept watching him smiling, especially the girls. They looked at him as if he were a celebrity.

_He's a student?_

_And a freshmen?_

_Like me?_

I ignored the questions in my head and avoided eye contact with this dude. I'm sure he never looked my way or anything. I kept focus on what Mr. Smitty was saying. He assigned us a book report on the book we were suppose to read over the summer, which of course, I didn't know about. I made a mental note to go to the library after school.

After class, Carlos linked arms with the girls again and walked out gracefully. I walked to my locker and searched for my world history textbook. Behind me I saw Carlos again. People stood around and watched him with sparkles in their eyes. I couldn't help but stare as he walked passed me. He seemed to have some sort of spell on everyone, but I didn't understand why. I shut my locker and walked to my next class, stopping myself from looking in Carlos' direction.

The rest of the day was pretty much the same. I saw Carlos between every class and the teachers all talked about the same things. I had fifth hour lunch with Carlos. Everyone crowded around the same side of the cafeteria, while I sat on the opposite side, trying to figure him out.

After school I went to my locker to get my beanie. I fixed it on my head and walked out of the school. Outside everyone crowded around a shiny red car. Of course, it was Carlos again. huh. I'm sure he already had his license, no doubt. The two girls got in behind him and they waved out the window. I stood there in shock. I still didn't understand who this guy was and why everyone followed him around.

I finally made it home and found Katie munching on a sandwich in the kitchen. My mom was in the living room still emptying boxes from the move. She saw me and stood up with a smile on her face.

"Hey honey, how was your first day?" She kissed my cheek.

"It was okay, I guess."

"Did you make friends?"

"Not yet."

"Oh don't worry. I'm sure you will soon."

I smiled at her and made my up to my room. I love my mom, she was always positive about everything, even if her job had her running around the country.

I walked into my room and threw my beanie on my side table. I grabbed my helmet and jumped on my bed. Memories of when I was a kid came to mind. I remember the day my dad came home with my gift. I was six and I had been playing hockey for only two weeks, but I knew right away that I loved it. Almost ten years I've had my lucky helmet, of course it fit me big at first, but now it's perfect.

"Maybe tomorrow will be lucky," I thought out loud as I rubbed my thumb on the carving inside that read 'Kendall Knight' in sloppy age six writing.


	2. Big Time Meet

Big Time Meet.

"Mom, I'm headed for the library. I'll be back later," I shouted into the kitchen.

" 'kay honey. Don't be out to late."

Luckily the library was close to home, only required a five minute bus ride. I made my way into the library and headed straight to the front desk. The woman got me a library card and I set out to find a table in the back. I threw my backpack on the table and went to search for my book. I skimmed through the shelves when I heard an odd noise coming from the other side. It sounded like someone was mumbling. I peaked around the corner and saw Carlos sitting at a table alone, staring at a book. He had an angry confused look on his face. He stared at it as if it were in a foreign language. He was struggling, barley getting the words out. I turned back to the shelves and took the book I had searched for. I took a deep breath and walked towards Carlos. I stopped at his table, he didn't seem to notice.

"Hey," I said.

He looked up at me with another confused look.

"Can I help you?"

"I'm Kendall. We have first hour English together."

He nodded and turned back to the book, giving it the same confused look again.

"Is that the book we have to do the report on?" I asked, trying to make conversation again.

He nodded again, not looking away from the book.

"Can I sit here and read with you?"

He looked up at me this time, giving me an even more confused look.

"I guess," he whispered.

I pulled up a chair from another table and took a seat across from him. I slowly opened the book and studied it, pretending to be interested. We sat there in silence, until he started to mumble again, but this time softer. There were moments when I looked up and studied him, instead of the book. He seemed to have so much trouble getting through the sentences. He never turned the page. He was stuck. He looked up and caught me staring.

"What?" He asked.

Um, n-nothing, um, do you need help?"

His body went stiff.

"No," he said looking away.

I knew he was lying. He really needed help and I wanted to give it to him. I had to find a way for him to ask for it. I didn't want to be too pushy about it. I skimmed through the paragraphs and found a semi-difficult word. A word someone my age should know.

"Hey," I whispered, almost a bit too loud. "What's this word?" I pointed at the page.

He looked angry again. He looked like he wanted to kill me at that moment. I panicked a little. He groaned and stood up from the chair. He began to walk away, when I took a hold of his elbow.

"What's wrong?"

"I have to go."

"Wait!" I took a hold of his elbow. "I can help you."

"I don't need help!" He pulled away and walked out.

I leaned against the table and stared at the word I pointed out to him.

"Solicitude," I read it out loud and threw the book down on the table.

I took a deep breath and released it softly. I dug in my brain for the definition. Once I realize what it was, I felt something go off inside of me.

"Solicitude," I repeated. "to show concern for someone in trouble."


	3. Big Time Wierdo

**Big Time Weirdo.**

The next morning I took another look at my helmet. It still sat where I'd left it yesterday. I rubbed it gently and sighed.

"Maybe today will be good luck," I whispered.

I grabbed a Pop Tart from the pantry and headed for school. I'd only been walking for five minutes when I heard a weird noise coming from behind a bush. It sounded like mumbling, but I knew it wasn't Carlos. I looked behind the bush and saw a guy hunched over, studying something on the ground. His back was to me so I couldn't see who he was or what he was looking.

"Hey man, are you okay?" I asked, trying to look over his shoulder.

He jumped at the sound of my voice.

"Dude, you have to help me," he said in a panicked voice.

"What's wrong?"

"The squirrel, it's dying!"

He moved to the side so I could see what he was so worried about. It was an injured squirrel that looked like he picked it out from the side of the road.

"What happened to it?" I asked, giving him a disgusted look.

"It was lying on the side of the street. It's still alive. You have to help me save it."

I could be wrong, but I could've sworn this guy was seriously worried about this messed up squirrel.

"What do you suppose we do?" I asked.

"Do you know mouth-to-mouth?"

"Dude, I am not about to give a squirrel mouth-to-mouth!"

He gave me a sad puppy face.

"No way!" I shouted.

The squirrel suddenly started to make really weird noises. It wiggled a little bit then completely froze.

"GAH," the guy shrieked. "It's dead!"

I stared at him with my mouth wide open. He was seriously freaking out about this squirrel. I could've sworn I saw a tear on the side of his eye.

"I'm sorry, dude," was all I could say.

"Will you help me bury it?"

I sighed.

"Sure," I threw my hands up. "What the hell? I'm already here, but we have to hurry or I'm going to be late for school."

He dug a small hole near a tree and gently placed the squirrel inside. I put the dirt on top and created the small grave. He stood up next to me and stared at the lump of dirt.

"Poor squirrel," he sniffled. "He never had a chance."

He turned to me.

"Do you have anything to say?"

"No."

He wiped his face.

"Okay, let's go."

I stared at him, with such a confused look at his change of mood, as he walked away. What an odd guy.

"You go to East High too?" I asked catching up to walk next him.

"Yeah, I'm a freshman. What about you?"

"Me too, I guess we don't have any classes together, unless I would've seen you yesterday."

"Yeah, what hour do you have lunch?"

"Fifth."

"Really? Me too."

"Yeah? How come I didn't see you yesterday?"

"Oh, I found a mouse in my classroom earlier that day and I got in trouble for trying to catch it, so my teacher sent me to the principal's office."

I gave him that 'you're a weirdo look' again, but he didn't seem to mind. He just smiled.

We got to school and realized we had five minutes to get to first hour.

"Hey, I'll see at lunch. Save me a seat?" He asked.

"Yeah."

"I'm James, by the way," he stretched out his hand.

"I'm Kendall," I shook his hand.

He walked away and I stood there for a while. My helmet came to mind. It's been only twenty minutes since I left my house and my day has already been lucky. I smiled at the fact. I made a friend today.

I sat in the same seat I had yesterday and waited patiently for Carlos' dramatic arrival. Our encounter yesterday at the library didn't exactly end pleasantly and I was hoping to clear it up today. Class began and there was no sign of Carlos. I expected him to show up late anyways. Mr. Smitty made us write down the vocabulary words for the new book we're starting, _Inseparable, _after we turned in our book reports. It's supposed to be a very cheesy love story.

Half the class went by and still no Carlos. The class ENDED and he never showed up. Oh well, tomorrow's another day.

Lunch came by and I thought of James. I bought myself a cereal bar from the vending machine and sat at the nearest empty table. I saw James walk in and I stood up and waved. He saw me after skimming through the whole cafeteria. A smile came across his face as he walked towards me.

"Hey," he waved.

"What's up?"

"Nothing," he said pulling out a sandwich from a paper bag. "Is that all you're eating?" he glanced at my cereal bar.

"Yeah, I don't really give myself time to pack a lunch and my mom drives my little sister to school, so yeah."

"I could bring you a lunch if you want?"

"Dude, it's cool."

"Oh come on, you helped me save a squirrel this morning. It's the least I can do," he smiled.

"Dude, really. It's fine. I have money to buy lunch."

"Okay then, if you're sure."

"Thanks anyways," I smiled at his kindness.

We sat there in silence for a little bit while he finished his sandwich. I looked around to see if Carlos was here, but everything seemed calm, so he probably wasn't in school at all.

"Hey James?" I cleared my throat. "What do you know about this Carlos Garcia guy?"

"You're new in town aren't you?"

"Yeah."

"Everyone knows Carlos Garcia. A couple years ago he beat up the town bully. He was the only one who had the guts to stand up to him, ever since he's been extremely popular. Some people consider him a hero."

"Hm," I took a bite of what was left over from my cereal bar.

"Yeah, I guess he's an okay guy, but he hangs out with one of the meanest guys around. Ironic right?"

"Yeah."

"His friend is a bit of a bad influence. Some people say that he'll take the hero out of Carlos, but who knows what could happen."

He finished his sandwich just in time for our next class. We made plans to meet after school to walk home together.

After school, we walked towards where we saw the squirrel. When we passed the lump of dirt where we buried it, I felt James sort of jump next to me, almost as if he forgot it was there. We stopped in front of my house and I turned to James.

"This is my place."

His face was blank.

"You live here?"

"Yeah," I gave him a confused look. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, nothing at all."

A smile came across his face.

"I know we're going to be great friends, Kendall."

I smiled.

"Yeah, we are. I'm glad I met you."

He smiled and continued to walk in the direction we were going in. A smile stretched across my face when I saw him walk into the house next door.


	4. Big Time Acceptance

**Big Time Acceptance.**

He was in class today, but he didn't acknowledge me. I didn't exist to him. Or maybe he just didn't remember me from the library. Mr. Smitty was going around the class asking us all to read one vocabulary word from our list and give its definition, such elementary school stuff. He went up and down the rows calling everyone out. When it came to be Carlos' turn my body was stiff.

"Mr. Garcia, will you read number twenty and give its definition please?"

Carlos stared at him with a blank look. He didn't speak.

"Mr. Garcia, please give us the word."

Carlos slowly lifted his paper up so he could see it and his face went pale.

He began to say the word softly.

"ma," he whispered.

Mr. Smitty had a smirk on his face.

"mach," Carlos tried again.

People stared to whisper among themselves.

I leaned in closer to him, trying not to make it to obvious, and whispered the word to him.

"machination."

"machination," he repeated out loud.

"Definition please," Mr. Smitty demanded.

Carlos cleared his throat, slightly leaning his ear closer to me.

He began to read the sentence slowly, when he came across a word he would pause and I took that as my cue to help him.

When he was done, Mr. Smitty showed disgust in his face. I might be mistaken, but I could've sworn I saw Carlos give me a slight smile.

I sat at the usual table at the library and stared at this extremely boring book. My notebook paper was blank and my pencil was untouched. I sighed and put my head down. I closed my eyes and thought of my helmet, hoping for some luck, when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up and saw Carlos standing next to me.

"Hey," he said.

I didn't say anything.

"Can I sit here?"

I nodded.

He held our required book and his notebook in hand. He sat down and began to play with his hands nervously. I continued to stare.

"You're right?"

"Huh?"

He leaned in closer to me and I felt my face heat up.

"I need help with reading," he whispered.

"Oh," I relaxed as he sat back.

We were silent for a few seconds.

"Will you help me?"

"Of course," I smiled.

"But you can't tell anyone. I don't people to find out that I'm stupid."

"Carlos, you're not stupid," I placed my hand on his shoulder, when I felt his warmth, I immediately pulled away. "Sorry."

He didn't say anything. He just gave me a confused look.

"Why did you help me earlier?"

I closed my book and looked him in the eyes.

"I dunno," I shrugged. "I guess I would've liked it if someone did that for me."

"Yeah," he sighed. "So when can we start?"

"How about now?"

"Okay," he smiled and pulled out his notebook.

I took my pencil and began to write down our vocabulary words. That would probably be a good place to start. I glanced up and saw him staring at me.

"What?" I asked.

He smile grew bigger.

"Thank you."


	5. Big Time Bully

**Big Time Bully.**

I met James at his locker after school the next day. We headed out the door when a guy interfered. He was just a bit shorter than me. His dark brown hair was spiked up and his teeth were whiter than my mom's extra bleached bed sheets. He wore a black leather jacket and a pair of black Ray Bans. Sunglasses indoors, SO COOL! Pfft.

"What it do nerd?" he said, pushing James' shoulders.

"Hey Logan," James said nervously.

"Did you get that book report done?" he asked in a low voice.

"Yeah, I did."

James began digging in his backpack and pulled out a folder labeled 'Logan'. The 'tough guy' snatched it from James' hands and looked inside.

"Good job nerd," I raised his hand and smacked down James' backpack, everything falling out all over the floor.

He started to walk away laughing, when I felt my face heat up.

"Hey!" I shouted.

He turned around and looked at me. My hands were fists, but that didn't seem to bother him at all.

"What?" he asked.

"What's your problem? Why did you knock over his stuff?"

"Why do you care?"

"He's my friend and he just did your book report! This is how you thank him?"

"I don't have to thank him. He's just a nerd who does my homework. He has no feelings."

I felt like my head was on fire.

"He's human just like all of us and I think you're just jealous because he's obviously smarter than you."

I stabbed my finger into his shoulder.

He took off his glasses and shoved them into his jacket.

"You know what punk?"

I could see the anger building up in his eyes. I bet he expected me to let this go right away, but no one picks on my friends.

"What?" My voice was low and rough.

He took a step closer to me. I felt James put his hands on my shoulders.

"Kendall, I think we should leave now," he was scared, but I didn't listen.

"What's going on?" Carlos stepped in between Logan and I.

"This guy is picking on my friend," I told him.

Carlos turned around to face me.

I thought he would help me out but instead he said:

"So?"

I gave him a confused look. Logan smiled behind him.

"What do you mean so?" I asked.

"Logan's just being Logan. Go home Kendall."

Logan reacted.

"You know this nerd?" He asked Carlos.

"He's in my English class. That's all."

"Whew, for a second I thought you were going to say that you were friends with him," Logan laughed.

Carlos joined him. When he faced me he saw that I was hurt. His smile disappeared.

"Kendall, let's go," James whispered.

"Go home Ken-dork," Logan made fun.

"Yeah, let's go."

I turned around and walked out of that school feeling like a piece of crap.

I've only known Carlos for a few days, but I thought we could've been friends. This just proves the kind of person he really is. James and I walked in silence the whole way home. I was upset and I knew James sensed it. I don't know if he really understood why, but I didn't feel like explaining it all now.

Later that evening, I walked into the kitchen and found my mom preparing my favorite meal, spaghetti. It was just what I needed today. She saw me smile and kissed my forehead.

"How was school today?"

"Ehh, okay I guess."

"I'm so happy that you made a friend and I think it's really nice that he's also our neighbor."

"Yeah, James is cool."

There was a knock on the door and I hear Katie running to open it.

"Mom! There's a really hot nerdy guy at our door!"

My mom and I exchanged looks. I headed for the door to find Katie wrapped around James' leg. I felt my mom approach behind me.

"Katie!" she shouted.

"Hey James," I smiled. "Mom this is James. James this is my mom."

"Hello ma'am," he shook her hand. "James Diamond."

"Nice to meet you, I'm Mrs. Knight and I see you've met Katie," My mom glared at her.

"Yeah, um, my mom and I baked some cookies earlier and I wanted to bring some over."

"Wow, that's really nice of you. Tell her I said thank you," He handed her the plate and she walked into the kitchen.

"You smell good," Katie giggled.

"Katie!" I shouted.

She gave me an evil look and walked away.

"I wanted to thank you for what you did earlier, Kendall."

"Come in," I told him. "Let's talk over here."

I lead him to the living room and we both plopped down on the couch.

"Why do you let that guy pick on you?"

"I've always done his homework for him."

"But why?"

"Because no one says no to Logan Mitchell, except for Carlos. He's like the only allowed to."

I glared at him. Not believing him at all.

His smiled faded.

"He used to beat me up. I'm not a good fighter, never was and he took advantage of that."

"Well, I won't allow that any longer. From now on I got your back."

His smile was bright.

"Kendall Knight, you're officially my best friend."

"And you, James Diamond, are mine."

He gave me a friendly hug and I've never felt so relaxed.


	6. Big Time Apology

**Big Time Apology.**

After school I headed to the park near my house. I sat on the swing, tried to relax when I hear footsteps. I turned around and saw Carlos headed towards me. He gave me a small smile and I turned around ignoring him. I got up and started to walk away when he called out my name.

"What?" I turned around to face him.

The look on his face was so hard to read. He looked sad, but confused.

"I'm really sorry about what happened at school."

"Whatever," I started to walk away again when he ran in front of me.

"Kendall, I really am sorry."

"I thought we could be friends, but I was wrong."

I tried to walk around him, but he blocked me again.

"Please forgive me. I told you I couldn't let people find out I was getting help, remember?"

Suddenly I did remember that conversation and I felt different.

"James is my friend."

"I want to be your friend too, but this is how it has to be."

"I don't know, Carlos."

"Please Kendall, I promise I'll make it up to you."

"How?"

"Anything."

I smiled at the thought of James.

"Meet me at the library tomorrow after school. Mr. Smitty is giving us a vocabulary quiz on Friday and the oral test will be next Wednesday. So if you're really serious about this passing this semester, you really have to commit."

He smiled.

"I promise I will."

"I forgive you, but this is what I need you to do,"

"Go ahead, anything you want."


	7. Big Time Passing By

**Big Time Passing By.**

The rest of the week went by pretty fast. Carlos and I met everyday after school and he really seemed to be improving. Everything seemed clearer to him. At the end of the day I really believed he could do well on Friday's quiz, it was the oral test I was worried about. He was still having some trouble with pronunciations.

James and I hung out after I met with Carlos. We went to Jamba Juice or watched TV at my house. He told me how Logan hadn't made him do any homework lately and he wondered why. He always made me smile when he brought that up. No more extra work for him. Katie continued to drool over him every time he came over. He brought her cookies to keep her away when she got too clingy.

Friday came and I sat in my desk, impatiently. I couldn't help but to constantly look over at Carlos to see how he was doing. I filled in all my answers and stood up to turn my quiz in. I sat back down and tapped my pencil on my desk. Five minutes before class ended Carlos turned in his quiz. He sat back down and sighed loudly. I stared at him. He turned to me and smiled. I gave him a 'good job' nod and relaxed in my seat.

The weekend was even tougher for Carlos. We spent hours at the library, practicing how he was going to do his oral exam on Wednesday. He got better and better everyday. I was actually pretty impressed with him. He was beginning to trust himself.

On Saturday I told James about Carlos. He wanted to hang out, but I told him I had already made plans to work with Carlos. At first he didn't understand why I was helping him, but he trusts me. I know Carlos didn't want anyone to know but James is my best friend and I don't want to keep secrets from him.

Wednesday before first hour Carlos was at my locker panicking. He wore a disguise. It bothered me, but that was the least of my worries.

"You're going to do fine," I told him.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Trust me, you will be fine."

"If you say so."

Mr. Smitty called Carlos up to go first, figures. He turned to me before walking up to the front of the classroom and smiled. He took a deep breath and kept his eyes locked on me. Mr. Smitty gave him a list of words. He had to read them out loud and give the definition from memory. Our job was to write them down. Everyone had a different list of words to read. For some reason I felt that Carlos had the hardest ones. When he spoke, he never looked away from me. He words came out clearly and understandable. At that moment I felt so proud of him. I couldn't help but smile whenever a word came out of his mouth. After class he ran up to me at my locker, no disguise.

"Dude, that was amazing!"

"It really was," I smiled.

"You have no idea how happy I am."

My smile grew wider.

"Thanks again, man."

"No problem. Just let me know whenever you need help again."

"Well, I was actually wondering if you wanted to continue helping me. I really want to pass the semester with at least a C."

"Sure-,"

"Hey Carlos," Logan came up behind him and leaned on his shoulder. "Why you talking to Ken-dork?"

Carlos' eyes widened when he realized he wasn't wearing his disguise.

"Oh hey Logan, are we still hanging out after school?" He asked him changing the subject.

"Hell yeah, I got the stuff," he whispered.

I stood there pretending not to pay attention, but I couldn't help to wonder what they were talking about. Logan walked away, leaving Carlos and I alone again.

"I'm going to go to class now," I told him.

"Um, yeah me too, I'll see you later."

I didn't look back.

There was something about Logan that had Carlos around him all the time. I had no idea what it could be, but it worried me. I bet James thought the same thing whenever I hung out with him too, but he knows I'm only helping him. There was something different with Logan and I know it's bad. Logan is the definition of bad news.

It's now April, Carlos and I remained our meetings a secret. He passed first semester with a B, and now his biggest concern was passing freshmen year. I really believe he's doing great, but he always insists on continuing with my help. I was more than happy to help him anyways. His disguises didn't bother me as much anymore. I was just happy to have him around. He also continued to hang out with Logan. I only knew that because he would randomly cancel our plans and I would later find out he was with Logan.

James and I only became better friends everyday. He taught me how to make those delicious cookies he would bring over. Our moms also became really close. Katie also made a friend at her middle school. Everything seemed to be going great, but everyday I lived in the fear that my mom might get transferred again. I kept my helmet close everyday and night. It gave me luck, I know it. It worked when I really needed it.


	8. Big Time Gaga

Big Time GAGA.

"So you wanna hang out tonight?"

I stared at him while standing with my locker open. He wasn't wearing a disguise again and that made me happy.

"No homework, we can just hang," he said again.

"Alrighty, what do you wanna do?"

"I have an idea."

I gave him a look, but he just smiled.

"Okay, I'll see you later then."

"I'll pick you up," he said as he walked away.

I was pretty excited. I told James about it and he still had small doubts about him, but he does see the change in him.

I took a shower and dressed into something better than usual. I enjoyed dressing like a bum but tonight it just didn't feel right.

Carlos showed up at my door at about seven. As I opened the door I couldn't help but let my jaw drop. He was suited very nicely, well not in a suit literally, but he just looked really nice. Gah, what is going though my mind? Anyways, I waved goodbye to my mom and walked outside.

"So where are we going?" I asked.

"Get in the car, I'll show you."

I jumped into the passenger's seat, exciting to see what Carlos had on the agenda.

Carlos put on his seat belt and reached into his pocket. He pulled out two tickets and handed them to me.

"LADY GAGA TICKETS?"

"Yup!"

"How did you get these? The show is sold out!" I freaked.

"I have connections," he smiled.

I couldn't close my mouth. I couldn't stop smiling. I was just in shock.

"I've been wanting to go to a Lady Gaga concert for the longest time."

"Well I'm glad because now I know we'll have fun."

I smiled and we drove off.

We arrived at the arena and it was already packed. People were crowded everywhere. Carlos and I laughed at the crazy fans who dressed up. We parked the car and headed for the entrance. Carlos handed the tickets to the 'ticket checker guy' and he gave us a suspicious look.

"What?" Carlos asked him.

"These tickets are fake," the guys said.

"WHAT?" I shouted.

"Those can't be fake!"

"They are. They won't scan. So you can either leave now or I can call security."

Carlos was ready to blow when I put my hands on his shoulders.

"Dude, let's just go. I'm allergic to police," I said calmly.

Carlos groaned and barged out the doors. I followed behind him. I caught up halfway through the parking lot and stood in front of him.

"You had fake tickets?" I asked, trying to catch my breath.

"I didn't know they were fake. I bought them from Logan."

"Logan?"

"Yeah. I wanted to surprise you. You've helped me so much this year I just wanted to make it up to you."

"Oh, Carlos."

I let my feelings take over and I hugged him. I felt his arms slowly rise to hold me. His head fit perfectly under my chin. I felt something really different at that moment. My stomach was in knots and I couldn't breathe evenly. Carlos let go and looked up at me.

"We can still hang out," I told him. "We'll just find something else to do."

He smiled softly.

"Okay."

He took a step back and I felt a little hurt.

"There's got to be something to do around here," I said.

"Well that all depends on what you like to do. What do like to do."

"Hmm. Well I like to play hockey, play guitar, sometimes sing, go to the beach, dance, workout, umm…"

Suddenly his face lit up.

"I got it!"

"What?"

"You'll see. Let's go."

He grabbed me by the elbow and dragged me to the car.

"Not another surprise," I whined.

He just laughed.

"A carnival?" I asked as we pulled up.

"Yes! This is the best place to make fun of couples."

"You enjoy making fun of couples."

"Yeah. Is that weird?"

"Umm, well I've never done that before."

"Come on. Trust me it's fun teasing them when they start making out on the ferris wheel."

"You're serious?" I asked.

"YEAHH!"

I gave him a confused look.

"Umm, okay."

We got out of the car and headed towards the crowd. I never thought Carlos would enjoy coming to these places, especially to make fun of people. I wasn't planning on joining him on that. I just thought I'd watch. It just might be funny. Carlos spotted his first victims standing in line for the ferris wheel. He went bought a soda and stood in line behind them. I just followed him enjoying his excitement.

"This is gonna be hilarious," he smiled.

We got in the bench behind and waited for the ride to start. Carlos held on to his soda tight under his jacket, hoping the guy running to ride wouldn't catch him. I sat on the bench patiently, smiling helplessly at Carlos. He looked very different today. He was happy, really happy and that's a side I hadn't seen since he passed the vocabulary quiz back in September.

The ride began to go and our bench went up backwards. Below us was the couple that Carlos picked to torture. He leaned over the handle bar and shouted profanity at them. I couldn't help, but laugh. Then Carlos turned to face me, motioning me to take a hold of his cup.

"Well?" he asked, tilting his head.

"What?"

"Go ahead," he smirked.

"You want me to drop it on them?"

He nodded.

"But you have to wait until they get closer together," he laughed.

I smiled nervously. I was never that guy who did these kinds of things. I've never thought of it, let alone attempt it.

"What if they don't?" I asked.

"We're still gonna do it. Ready?"

"Mmhm."

"Okay, I'll tell you when."

Carlos waited until the couples' cart was in the perfect position. He gave me a nod and I slowly tilted the cup full of pop. We watched the bubbly liquid soak the couple below us. At that moment I felt a jolt of energy inside of me. They were so angry and my body fed from that. I knew it was wrong, but it was hilarious and the way Carlos enjoyed himself made me happy.

It was silly, teasing random couples. I didn't quite understand why he loved it so much. It was really fun, but we could get in trouble. After the ferris wheel, Carlos stole a squeeze bottle of ketchup from a hotdog stand and squirted everyone while riding the spinning tea cups. We ended up getting ketchup all over ourselves. Once we left that ride, we decided to quit. We didn't want to draw attention from the cops. We avoided looking people in the eye in case they would recognize the guys who ruined their clothes. By the end of the night, I was tired. We'd made fun of many strangers and had lots of fun.

We sat in Carlos' car and listened to the radio. Lady Gaga came on.

"I'm sorry about the concert. It really would've been a lot of fun," he frowned.

"Dude, it's cool. I still had a lot of fun."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I didn't know running around like that would be fun. I know it's wrong and I'll probably never do that again, but it was nice trying it out."

He laughed.

"Well I'm really glad you had fun."

I smiled at him.

I sat on my bed and held my helmet. My dad's face appeared on my mind. I fought the tears instantly, and replaced the thought with Carlos. We had lots of fun today. It was nice to hang out with him and not having to do any homework. I rubbed my helmet, thanking it for a great day and fell asleep holding it tight.


	9. Big Time Study Session

**Big Time Study Session.**

"We should really hang out again. Last night was so fun," he bounced.

"Yeah, it really was," I smiled. "But right now we should really focus on our final exams. We'll have the whole summer to hang out."

A slight frown appeared on his face. I was just about to ask what was wrong when James ran up to us.

"Hey Kendall," he turned to Carlos. "Carlos."

Carlos just nodded.

"So are we still studying after school?" he asked.

"Yeah, my house," I turned to Carlos. "You wanna come?"

The smile cam back.

"Sure, I guess I could stop by."

Carlos walked to his locker leaving James and I alone.

"I know you guys are friends and all, but I still think there's something weird about him."

James had a worried look.

"Don't worry, he's a good guy."

"I believe you. Honestly I think you know him more than anyone else. He's never really had a best friend like you."

"Really?"

"Yup."

I found it a bit hard to believe Carlos has never had a best friend in his life. He's a great guy and I was pretty sure someone had to see it at some point.

That night I prepared some chili cheese dip and hung out in the living room until James and Carlos showed up. We went up to my room and sat on the floor spreading out our notes and books. Carlos observed my room while James admired the dip.

"It's nothing fancy," I told Carlos, as he continued to look around.

"Wow, that's a really nice guitar," he stood up and picked up the six-string sitting next to my bed. "Do you play?"

"Umm, yeah, but not as much as I used to."

"Let's here," he held out the guitar.

"I dunno, we should really start studying."

"Come on, James and I wanna hear."

I looked at James and he nodded in agreement.

"Um, okay."

I took the guitar and strummed it once, hearing the pitch.

I began playing softly. I took a deep breath and opened my mouth to sing. The lyrics came to me like it was just yesterday when I learned them, when really it was years ago.

_"…don't say a word just come over, and lay here with me…"_

I avoided looking at them as I sang. I kept my eyes shut and my dad's face appeared again. My hands stopped moving and I set the guitar to the side. I saw James smile and looked up to see Carlos wearing a look I didn't recognize. It was like a mixture of good and bad.

"That's all," I whispered.

"Wow," said James. "That was really good."

"Yeah," Carlos whispered. "Wow."

Carlos sat back down next to me.

"Kendall, you're really good," he smiled.

I couldn't look away from his eyes. There was just something that cause them to lock in place. It was like a perfect click.

"Thanks," I smiled.

I heard James clear his throat.

"Guys?" he asked.

My feet set on the ground again and I looked away.

"What?" I asked, finding James' face full of confusion.

"How about we start with Algebra?" he waved his text book.

"What?" said Carlos.

"Algebra!" James repeated.

"Oh yeah, let's study," Carlos agreed.

I couldn't help but look back at Carlos who was chewing his pen cap, deep in thought. I felt really weird, and there was a part of me that hoped he felt the same way.


	10. Big Time Drinking

**Big Time Drinking.**

We sat in my living room staring at the small envelope with Carlos' name on it. My palms were sweaty and we were both nervous. I could feel Carlos shaking next to me. James sat across the room on the lounge chair. He stared at us with that same confused look from last week. He was more relaxed than we were. He had already opened his envelope and so did I, but it was Carlos I was worried about.

"Just open it already!" James shouted, causing me to jump out of my seat.

Carlos took a deep breath and ripped the envelope open. He unfolded the paper and he stared at it.

"Well?" I asked, impatiently.

"Biology;C, Algebra;C, World History;C, English," he paused.

"What is it? What did you get?"

He looked up and smiled.

"A!"

I felt like my heart was going to explode with joy. I ran to hug him. He threw his arms around me and I felt chills all over my body. I was so happy for him. I was proud. He pulled away and looked at my with teary eyes.

"I owe this all to you, Kendall. You helped me get through this."

I had no words. I just smiled.

"Good job, Carlos," said James, arms open for a hug.

"You guys are great friends."

Carlos' words filled me up with more joy.

"We have to celebrate!"

"What do you wanna do?" I asked.

"I'll be right back."

Carlos ran out the door, leaving me and James confused.

'Well, I wish I could stay here and celebrate with you guys, but I have to go home," said James.

"What? Why?"

"My mom has to work late and I have to get some chores done before she gets home."

"But my mom and Katie are out too. I didn't want to be alone," I whined.

"You won't be. Carlos will be back soon."

"Okay, but if Carlos doesn't come back, I'm coming over."

"Trust me, Carlos will come back."

I was curious to know what James was thinking. Suddenly he was just sure of Carlos.

"Do you know something I don't?" I asked.

He laughed softly.

"I don't know anything, Kendall."

"Mhm. Okay."

"Well, I have to go. I'll talk to you soon."

I walked him to the door, still trying to figure out what he's thinking.

"Bye," he waved.

I shut the door and plopped down on the couch. I took a deep breath and heard a knock on the door.

It was Carlos. James was right.

"You came back!" I said as I opened the door.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I?"

He sounded hurt.

"Umm, nevermind. What do you have there?"

He held two large paper bags.

"We're celebrating. I brought the good stuff. Where's James?"

"He had to go."

"Oh."

He placed the bags on the kitchen counter and stuck his hand in one of the bags. He pulled out a 6-pack of cold beers.

My eyes widened.

"DUDE!"

He jumped.

"What?"

"Wha- but- wha-huh? You brought beer?"

He nodded calmly.

"But we're only fifteen! How did you get this?"

He looked away.

"I know a guy."

"Logan?"

He nodded, opening a can.

I didn't even want to think of how Logan got alcohol either.

"Dude! We can't drink! If my mom walks in she's going to KILL US!"

"Don't worry, let's just go up to your room."

I groaned loudly.

He picked up the bags, handed me one, and he carried on with his open can on the other hand. We got in my room and I locked the door immediately.

My mom and Katie went to Six Flags. She always took her there after the last day of school. It was like their mother/daughter tradition. I used to have a tradition with my dad. The day before school started he would take me to one of his band rehearsals. He would let me play my guitar with them. It was great. That was our thing.

"Dude, drink up."

Carlos interrupted my thoughts by pushing a can against my chest.

"I don't know if I can do this," I admitted.

'It'll be okay."

Twenty minutes went by and I could tell he was already tipsy. I had only had one, when he finished his third. We sat in silence.

"Kendall, I'mph… glad I mets you," he slurred.

"I'm glad I met you too."

He smiled. He sat next to me on the floor and rested his head on my shoulder. I could smell his scent from his hair. It was very nice.

"Kendall?"

"Yeah?"

"Some people think I'm a hero just because I stood up to a bully, but no one actually knows me like you do."

I felt nerves building in my stomach.

"I've always wanted a friend like you."

I took advantage of the moment to ask him more.

"Why do you hang out with Logan?"

"Logan knows something about me, that no one else k-k-knowssss."

"What is it?"

"Shhhhhhh! No one knows! We can't speak of it! It's a secret."

"How did Logan find out?"

"He saw Dak."

"Who's Dak?"

I was really confused, but I had a feeling I was getting somewhere.

"Shhhhh," he put his finger on my lips. "It's a secret! No one knows. No one can ever find out about Dak Zevon!"

"Is this why you hang around Logan so much, even thought he's a total jerk."

"He'll tell everyone. I won't have it! It'll-It'll-It'll ruin me!"

He was starting to freak out.

"Calm down Carlos."

I took the can from his hand and threw it out my window. My window, somehow, was right above the next door neighbor's garbage can so it landed right inside. I took the rest of the evidence and threw it out too.

I turned around and found Carlos staring at me.

"What?" I asked.

"I'm leaving for the summer."

"What? Where are you going?"

"My family always leaves for the summer. We go on vacation."

"..oh."

"It never bothered me before. I've never had a friend, so I wasn't really leaving anything behind before."

I was sitting next to him again and his head rested on my shoulder.

He looked up and our faces were centimeters away. I could feel him breathing on my face. He was warm and hyper.

"You're my best friend and I would do anything to spend my summer here with you instead of going with my family."

I felt like ripping my hair out. I couldn't describe how his words were making me feel.

"Carlos, I-I-I don't know what to say," I confessed.

"You d-d-don't have to say anything. Let's just sit here."

He went back to resting on my shoulder.

We had fallen asleep. I woke up three hours later. Carlos was asleep on my shoulder. I tired to stand up without waking him, but my movements didn't help.

"Kendall?" he said with lazy eyes. "What time is it?"

I looked at my clock.

"Eleven thirty."

"What?" he jumped up and ran downstairs. "I have to go!" he shouted.

"We should hang out again before you leave."

He paused.

"I leave tomorrow. I'm sorry."

"When will you be back?"

"The day before we start school again," he frowned.

"You'll be gone all summer?"

He nodded as he looked away.

"So this is that last time I'll see you for the next three months?"

"Yeah."

We stood there in silence not knowing what else to say.

"Bye, Kendall. I'll see you soon."

"Bye."

He walked out the door and didn't look back.


	11. Big Time Birthday

**Big Time Birthday.**

July 4th.

Today is my birthday.

I threw on my favorite plaid shirt and looked at my helmet.

"Another year goes by," I whispered.

I slipped on my Vans and walked outside. I found James and his mom munching on hamburgers my mom had prepared.

"Happy Birthday, Kendall!"

James ran to hug me.

"Thanks buddy."

We all hung out in the backyard eating and talking about the school year coming up. I couldn't help but let my mind drift away into a different world, a world where Carlos was here celebrating my birthday with me. I shook my head at the thought. I couldn't figure out what was coming over me, this really weird feeling. I don't know how to explain it. I only knew one thing for sure.

_I really missed him._

Ugh, but I didn't understand why. This is a GUY, I'm thinking about. I shook my head harder.

"Dude, are you okay?"

I heard James' voice and looked up to see myself surrounded by confused faces.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry."

They returned to their conversation and I returned to my world.

My thoughts were interrupted again by the sounded of a honking truck.

"What's with all the honking?" I heard my mom say.

Everyone stood up and walked to the front of my house. I saw a woman pulling out the 'for sale' sign from the house across the street.

"New neighbors cool," said James.

"We should go meet them," My mom added.

We walked across the street to greet the new family.

The woman was first, her name was Kendra, and she's weird. The husband, Will, was also weird. Next we met their daughter, and she was definitely not weird. She was wow, just…wow. She was different from her parents, very different. I caught myself staring. She didn't notice. She had her eyes locked on James.

"I'm Sarah."

"I'm Kendall."

She shook my hand, but I could still tell her focus was on James. Sarah and her parents took a break from unpacking and came over for a hamburger. As hard as I tried to prevent it, my mom got everyone to sing me the birthday song. HUH. It was embarrassing.

"Hey Kendall?"

James came up to me while I helped clean up.

"What's up?"

"Um, the fireworks are about to start at the park, and umm, I asked Sarah to go with me. I really didn't plan on leaving early, but-,"

"Dude," I interrupted. "It's okay. Go ahead. It looks like you guys really hit it off."

He smiled.

"Thanks and happy birthday."

I watched my mom walk our guests to the door and then I ran up to my room.

I jumped on my bed and hugged my helmet.

_I miss you Carlos. I wish you were here right now, with me. We could've gone to watch the fireworks together, it would've been really romantic and the perfect birthday present. Actually, your presence would've been just fine. _

I stood up immediately and shook the thoughts away. I couldn't be thinking like this. Something was happening inside of me, something I couldn't prevent. I don't know what it is, but I had to find out.


	12. Big Time Visit

Big Time Visit.

It was evening, he hadn't called, he hadn't showed. I was hoping we could look over our class schedules together, just to see if we had any classes together. School starts tomorrow and I didn't wait to wait to see him until then. I went to my room and took my helmet. I put it on and looked in the mirror.

_Help me. Stop these feelings._

My dad appeared in my mind again. It was the day he gave me my helmet. I fought the memory and thought about the real reason I put it on. Carlos. I took a deep breath and wished for luck.

I slipped on my Vans and left my house, still wearing my helmet. It was dark outside now. I know he wouldn't show. It was late now. I walked to the park and sat on a swing. There was no one around. James was with Sarah, they had another date today. I was alone again. Or so I thought.

"Kendall?"

I turned around and I felt my body fill with butterflies.

"Carlos, hey."

His smile was bright. He walked closer until the top of his head was barely under my chin. He hugged me tight. His touch made me feel like I was floating. I closed my eyes and took in this moment.

He pulled away after a moment.

"I went to your house."

"You did?' I asked.

"Yeah, just now. Your mom said you went out and I just found myself walking this way."

"I thought you weren't going to come," I said feeling my smile disappear.

'I couldn't earlier, but I'm here now."

"Yeah, good," I teased. "How was your trip?"

"Boring. I hated that I had no connection to anything out here. I missed your birthday."

"It's okay."

He smiled.

"I brought you something."

He held out a small necklace with a guitar pick dangling from it.

I smiled.

"Happy Birthday Kendall."


	13. Big Time Curiosity

Big Time Curiosity.

I haven't talked to Carlos since that day at the park. I've looked all around in school, but I couldn't ever get him alone. He seemed to be around Logan all the time again. It really bothered me. I know Logan wasn't a good guy. I still couldn't figure out why he hung out with him anyways. We had no classes together this year. It was disappointing, but I figured since we're friends we'd hang out outside of school.

I saw Logan at his locker. I'm sure he had to know where Carlos was.

"Logan?"

"What do you want Kendork?"

"Have you seen Carlos today?"

"He ditched."

"He ditched?"

"Yeah."

"Funny. I thought you'd be with him."

"I will after school."

I was bothered by the fact that they were hanging out without me. Not that I wanted to hang out with Logan, but I did want to be with Carlos.

"What are you guys gonna do?" I asked.

He shut his locker.

"Nothing you'd be interested in."

He walked away.

I was curious. What could they possibly be doing that drove Carlos to avoid me?

I called him after school.

"Hello?"

"Hey Carlos."

"Oh, hey Kendall."

"What are you doing?"

"Hey can I call you back later?"

"Um, sure. Well I was actually just going to ask you if you wanted to hang out tomorrow?"

"Yeah sure, sounds good."

"Okay then."

"Bye."

He hung up.

There was something weird definitely going on.

The next evening Carlos and I hung out in my room. He messed with my guitar while I scribbled on a piece of paper.

"What wrong?" he asked.

"We haven't hung out in a long time."

"Yeah, it has been a while."

"What's going on with you and Logan?"

I felt better once the question came out.

"Nothing. What do you mean?"

"You guys have been hanging out a lot."

"Yeah. We're good friends."

Before I could ask more he changed the subject.

"There's this really cool place in town that has an open mic. You should go."

"For what?"

"To play and sing, duuuh!" he laughed. "Don't you write songs?"

"I have some, but I don't really sing in public."

"Oh come on! You're really good!"

"You're just saying that," I smiled.

"No, you really are Kendall. You have talent."

I smiled.

"You know what? Let's go right now?"

"What?"

"Yes. Come on."

He grabbed my guitar and my wrist.

We drove to a small restaurant in town. It was just like Carlos said. It had a small stage.

"Go up there."

"Carlos, I don't think I can do this."

"Don't worry. I'll be here watching, front row."

I took a deep breath and took my guitar. I climbed on the stage and sat on the stool. There were people staring. The place wasn't packed, but I was still very nervous. Carlos sat almost directly in front of me. He nodded and I felt a lot better.

"Um," I spoke into the mic. "This is a song that I wrote over the summer. It's very special to me."

I began to play.

_"There are so many things that I never ever got to say, cause I'm always tongue-tied with my words getting in thw way. If you could read my mind, then all your doubts will be left behind and every little thing will be falling into place."_

Carlos smiled when I began to sing. His smile was the only thing keeping me from messing up the song.

_"I would scream to the world they would see your my girl but I just keeping getting stuck, stuck. But I'm never giving up, up, in the middle of a perfect day, I'm tripping over words to say. Cause I don't wanna keep you guessing, but I'll always end up getting stuck, stuck, but I'm never giving up, up._

I felt myself blushing during the chorus. If only Carlos knew that this song was for him.

_"It's the way that I feel when you say what you say to me. It keeps you running through my mind twenty four, seven days a week. And if you've got the time, just stick around and you"ll realize that it's worth every minute that it takes just wait and see."_

I ended the song short. I got off the stage and sat down next to Carlos.

"That was amazing!"

He hugged me.

"I feel great. Thanks for getting me up there."

"I knew you could do it."

* * *

**Author's Note: So I just realized that I never inserted the lyrics that I wanted to for the song Kendall sings, sooooo sorry, I fixed it now so, later chapters will make sense. **


	14. Big Time Bust

**Big Time Bust.**

I saw Carlos leave school with Logan again. It was driving me crazy. Not only was I jealous, but I was really angry. He wouldn't talk to me about what was going in with them. There was only one thing I could do to finally figure this out. I followed them.

I followed them on my bike. I let myself trail back so they wouldn't notice me. They stopped, at what I think was Logan's house, and went inside. Moments later they walked out and went their separate ways. I saw Carlos slip something in his jacket. He looked worried. After a couple blocks I caught up to him.

"Hey," I said.

"Oh hey Kendall! What are you doing over here?"

He was jumpy.

"Just out on a bike ride. What about you?"

"Just out for a walk," he smiled.

"So how are you doing in your English class this year?"

"Pretty good, but be prepared, I might need your help again."

"Don't worry, I'll be here."

He smiled.

"I know you will."

I noticed his hands in his pockets. He moved them around, playing with something. I stopped my bike in front of him.

"Carlos, tell me the truth."

He gave me a confused look.

"What are you talking about?"

"What's going on with you and Logan?"

"Nothing," he looked away.

"That's a bunch of crap!"

He tried to get around me, but I didn't let him.

"I don't know what you're talking about Kendall."

"What's in your pocket?"

"Nothing!"

I jumped off my bike.

"Let me see."

I reached for his jacket. He pushed me back, almost knocking me over. I pinned him against a tree and reached inside his pocket. I pulled out the contents and stepped back.

"What's this?" I shouted.

He snatched the baggy back.

"Carlos? Are you on drugs?"


	15. Big Time Anger

**Big Time Anger.**

I went to James' house after I was with Carlos. He never answered me, so I threw the baggy at him and left him there. I had nothing to say to him. I finally understood why he and Logan always hung around each other. I finally see what Logan gets him into. I never thought Carlos would be this kind of person. It broke my heart to see a friend do this.

"I don't get it," said James. "He doesn't seem like the type, but I guess you never really know people."

I buried my face in my hands.

"I'm gonna go crazy. I can't believe this!" I shouted.

"Dude, chill out. We just won't hang around him anymore."

"I cant, I just…I…it's…"

"Hard?"

I turned to him.

"Yes, it's hard."

My best friend rubbed my back.

"I know how you feel. Sarah and I got into a fight last week we haven't talked ever since. I miss her so much."

"James, you can't compare something you and Sarah go through to this. It's…different."

"That's where you wrong Kendall. There are some feelings you can't hide."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that there's just some feelings people can't hide even as much as they try. You have feelings for Carlos that even a blind person could see."

I stood up and faced him.

"What the hell are you talking about? I don't have feelings for Carlos! I'm not GAY!"

"I never said you were!"

"That's exactly what you're saying James! I DON'T have those kinds of feelings for Carlos and I'm NOT gay!"

"You can lie to me and everyone else Kendall, but you can't lie to yourself."

He left his room and went downstairs. I didn't follow, I stayed here instead. I didn't know what to say or do. I needed to go home. I said goodbye to Mrs. Diamond and went home.

I got home and went straight to my room. My helmet was on my side table. Maybe the good luck was running out. Maybe it was just running low. I let out a sigh and tried to fall asleep. I hoped for a better tomorrow, a different tomorrow. Another day, but one that won't be normal. It won't be normal because I won't be speaking to Carlos. I felt my heart ache at the thought of him. What if James was right? NO! I shook my head. I couldn't have feelings for Carlos. I like, no, LOVE girls. I'm not gay. I can't be. Never. Ever. I am not in love with Carlos Garcia.


	16. Big Time Coping

**Big Time Coping.**

It's been a month.

I avoid him everyday.

I can't look at him.

I feel like I'm being overdramatic, but I can't help it.

I'm taking this pretty hard.

"Kendall! Honey!" My mom shouted from downstairs. "James is here to see you!"

James was at my door.

"Hey," he said.

"Hi."

"Ready to talk?"

I nodded.

He sat on my bed next to me.

"My dad left when I was six years old. Katie was only months old. He was involved in drugs and alcohol. He seemed to love it more then he loved us."

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"He became very aggressive. We wanted to help but he wouldn't take it. One day he just got up and left. Now you understand why this Carlos thing affects me so much. I don't want to feel that way again."

He hugged me, knowing I really needed it.

"My helmet is a memory from the happy part of my childhood. Sometimes it does remind me of him, but I shake it off and turn it into something positive. I used to think it brought me good luck, but I'm starting to doubt its ability."

"I'm here for you Kendall, you can always talk to me."

"Thanks James. You're a great friend."

He smiled.

"Do you feel better?"

"Yeah."


	17. Big Time Hope

**Big Time Hope.**

It's that time of the year again. Summer vacation. Carlos was probably getting ready to leave. I sat in my room by myself. James was with Sarah. They couldn't stay mad at each other for long. The last few months went by pretty fast. I felt like a zombie everyday at school. I felt numb.

I missed him terribly.

I couldn't deny that.

Katie and mom were at Six Flags again. They invite me every year. I never want to go. Especially this year.

Part of me doesn't care about Carlos doing drugs anymore. I just wanted to talk to him and hang out with him. But I know what he's doing is wrong and he reminds me so much of my father. I don't want to be heartbroken like that ever again.

I heard a tap on my window. I walked over and opened it. I froze at the sight. My stomach felt like it was turned over a million times.

It was Carlos.

"What are you doing?" I shouted.

He was sitting on the edge of the small balcony I had. I was always afraid to sit on it. It was big enough for me.

"Hi. Um, I…well….um….," he wasn't speaking clearly.

I crossed my arms.

"Carlos, what are you doing here?"

He frowned.

"I came to apologize and for an opportunity to explain things."

He reached down and pulled on a rope. He pulled and pulled until he retrieved his guitar on the other end. He untied the knot and set himself in the position to play.

"Carlos-,"

He began to play, not letting me finish.

*Insert lyrics to song from previous chapter*

The sound of his voice caused something inside of me. It was like fire. The feeling took over my body. I never knew he could sing so well, let alone play guitar.

He stopped and slipped his feet in through my window. He sat on the edge of the window now and put his guitar on the side, leaning it against my wall.

"I'm sorry, Kendall. I know you must think the worst of me. You have to know the drugs weren't mine. It was Logan's bag. I swear to you. I wouldn't lie about that. I don't do those kinds of things. Maybe I do drink, but I wouldn't sink that low."

I didn't say anything. I just looked at him.

"I don't expect you to want to be my friend again, but I want you to know that I do miss you. You're an amazing person, Kendall."

I didn't want to feel this emptiness I'd been feeling for months.

He was just about to step out when I said…

"I miss you too."

He turned and smiled.

He picked up the guitar and finished the song.

He leaned closer to me. His singing got softer and softer, until it was almost a whisper against my face. I swallowed hard, confused about what was about to happen. I felt his hand slowly touch my cheek, pulling me closer. Our lips touched within seconds. A shock was sent throughout my body. I was in the clouds. High off of his touch. He took over me, with his kiss. His sweet, gentle, passionate kiss. I felt his other hand run through my hair. I didn't want him to let go, ever.

He pulled away, leaving me breathless.

"Kendall Knight, you're amazing."

I smiled.

"How did this happen?" I asked.

"I dunno, but I know that I never want it to end."

I pulled him all the way inside my room and kissed him with all the energy I had. He was in my arms. Mine.


	18. Big Time New Year

**Big Time New Year.**

Seven months, he's been mine. I've never been happier in my entire life. There was just one thing that worried me. He didn't want anyone to know. He allowed James and Logan to know, but it still bugs me. He doesn't let me showed my affection for him in public. Sometimes it hurts, but I want to keep him happy.

Today was New Years Eve and we were celebrating at my house. James brought his mom and Sarah. Carlos came alone. Not once have I met his family. I was hoping today would've been a good chance, but he thought it would be a better idea if he came alone.

After we all had a wonderful dinner, I joined my mom in the kitchen. She was cleaning up.

"Hey mom?"

"What's up, honey?"

"I wanted to thank you for the amazing dinner. I pretty sure everyone loved it."

"It was no problem. Your friends seemed to be enjoying themselves. Especially Carlos," she raised an eyebrow.

I felt my stomach become a knot. My mom didn't know about Carlos and I. It would break her heart to know that her son is-

"Kendall," she put her hand on my shoulder. "It's okay, honey. I know about you two."

I felt face heat up.

"What? But-,"

"It's pretty obvious, dear."

"It is?"

"Yup, and I want you to know that I'm okay with it. If you're happy then I'm happy," she kissed my cheek.

I wanted to cry tears of joy right then and there.

"You must be the greatest mom in the entire world."

She smiled.

"I know."

Her phone vibrated on the kitchen counter. She opened it and read her text.

"What is it?" I asked.

"It's Katie. She says Sammy's mom couldn't go pick them up at the party, so I have to go get them."

"Will you be back by midnight?" I glanced at my watch. "There's like a half hour left."

"Yeah, I should be back by then, unless the streets are already crowded for the fireworks. I'll be back as soon as I can. Don't make a mess."

"Promise."

I walked back and noticed everyone had moved over to the living room. I sat down next to Carlos and kissed him on the cheek.

"So what do you guys wanna do? My mom had to go out and pick up Katie."

"Well, Sarah and I want to go watch the fireworks," said James.

Sarah nodded.

I turned to Carlos.

"You wanna go?" I asked.

"Sure," he smiled.

We went out into the crowded streets of town picked a good spot. James and Sarah sat on a bench and Carlos and I sat under a tree.

"Twenty minutes," I told him.

He held my hand tight.

"This is romantic," he smiled.

"Yeah."

I attempted to go for a kiss, but a figure standing over us distracted me.

"Wazzup!" the figure said.

It was Logan.

"Hi Logan," Carlos frowned.

He sat in between us and looked at me.

"Oh hey Kendork."

"Hi Logan."

I crossed my arms.

"How's it going Carlos? We haven't talked in a while."

"Um, it's been going good. How about you?"

"Great! So I was thinking, you wanna hang out later?"

"Sorry, Logan. I'm kinda hanging out with Kendall tonight."

"Oohhhh. Alright then. Whatever."

I heard people cheering in the distance. I was wishing Logan would move so I could have a nice moment with Carlos as soon as the New Year arrived.

He turned to me. In the dim light I could see his eyes were swollen. He was obviously high.

"How are you Kendall?"

"I'm fine Logan. Now if you don't mind," I stood up and pulled Carlos to my side. "I'm going to go count down the New Year with my amazing boyfriend."

Logan frowned.

"I see. Whatever."

We left Logan sitting under the tree.

Carlos and I walked over to the crowd.

"We're never gonna be alone here," he said.

"True. I have a better idea."

I took his hand and we walked back in the direction of my house.

"Where are we going?" he asked.

"One of my favorite places ever."

We stopped at James' door. Carlos was confused. I just smiled and reached inside his mailbox. Inside I found the key.

"Found it," I said, opening James' front door.

"You know where the spare key is?"

"Yup. James told me in case I ever needed it."

"Hm."

No one was home, of course. I made sure of that. I brought Carlos up to James' room and we stopped in front of his window. He had the most adorable confused face ever. I opened to window and climbed out onto the roof of the garage. I held out my hand for him.

"Isn't this dangerous?" he asked.

"Would I ever put you in danger?"

I leaned in and gave him a quick kiss.

He smiled and climbed out.

"This is the best view of the sky that I've ever seen," I told him. "That's why it's my favorite spot ever."

He sat next to me, under my arm.

Down below we could hear the countdown begin.

I looked to Carlos. His eyes sparkled with the stars.

"I love you Kendall Knight."

I brought his lips to mine. I kissed him with all the passion I had. I heard the fireworks go off. Movie-like, I know. But that's exactly how it was. Fairytale-like. Perfect.

"I love you too."

The best way to end and start a new year.

* * *

**More mush, i know. but trust me it will get better. i've got lots of ideas for future chapters. Thanks so much to those who've been keeping up ad reviewing. i reallly appreciate it. youre the ones who keep me going with this story. =]**


	19. Big Time Intruder

**Big Time Intruder.**

Winter break ends in a few days so James, Sarah, Carlos, and I are gonna go out one last night. We decided on nice dinner. We got a booth and sat all together.

"I can't believe half of junior is already over," James said, taking a bite of his dinner roll.

We all nodded in agreement.

"This year is flying by," Carlos added.

"It's been-,"

"Hey guys!"

Logan was standing there with a smile on his face.

"Logan? What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Mind if I join you guys for dinner?"

He didn't even let us answer. He was already seated, squeezed between Carlos and I. We all exchanged looks. Why was Logan here? And why did he have to sit with us? He smelled like weed.

"Soooo, how's everybody doing?" Logan asked.

No one answered. James and Sarah hid behind their menus. Carlos was focused on the ice in his cup.

"We're all fine, Logan," I said. "And you?" I asked, not really caring.

"Oh I'm great! Fantastic!"

The rest of the time at the restaurant was full of stink and frustration. I barely got to talk to Carlos. Logan wouldn't shut up. James was falling asleep and Sarah decided to paint her nails.

After dessert, Logan finally decided to get up and leave.

"Thanks for the dinner. I'll see you guys on Monday."

He walked out and I felt like I could breathe again. I scooted over to Carlos immediately and held his hand. He gave me that adorable smile of his, sending butterflies all over my insides.

"Dessert anyone?" James asked.

We all smiled.

"Ice cream?" I asked.

Everyone smiled.

We headed out to the small ice cream shop in the corner. After ordering we sat outside on the benches and watched to stars.

"Today was…interesting," Carlos said.

"Yeah, it was a bit weird," I said, licking my ice cream.

"But, everything is better now. We're alone…"

We leaned closer and closer. As our lips brushed we heard..,

"HEY GUYS!"

Logan again! Unbelievable!

"Hey, uhh, Logan.." Carlos said, blushing.

He sat between us AGAIN!

"Funny how we find each other everywhere these days," Logan said.

"Yeah. Real funny," I responded, sarcastically.

I shot him a dirty look.

"So Carlos, can I buy you another ice cream?"

"Um, no thanks. I'm good."

"You sure?"

"I think he's good!" I said standing up and pulling Carlos to me.

"Come on, Carlos. One more cone?"

"I'm fine Logan."

"Okay, fine. Whatever."

We walked to James and Sarah's bench.

"We're gonna head home," I told them.

"Alright then," James responded.

"See you guys later," said Carlos, taking my hand.

We walked back to my house finishing our ice cream cones.

"It was a good idea to walk," he said. "It was nice."

I knew leaving his car back at my house was a good idea. I bought me more alone time with him.

We stopped in front of his car.

"Hey, is there something else going on with Logan?" I asked.

"No, why?"

"Well, don't you think it was kinda of weird that we ran into him, like everywhere?"

"Yeah, but maybe it was just a coincidence."

"Hm. Maybe."

"Well I have to go."

"Mkay. Bye."

He kissed me.

"I love you," I whispered.

"I love you too."

He drove away. I stood there for a couple of minutes thinking the night over. Something was definitely going on with Logan. Again. I was just about to walk inside when I heard footsteps behind me.

"Kendall!"

I turned to see Logan once again. I rolled my eyes.

"What do you want Logan? I know you've been following us around all evening."

"I just want to talk to you."

"About what?"

He sat on the steps.

"Sit here," he said.

I obeyed.

"What?" I asked again.

"You know people do crazy things when they're in love."

"Where are you going with this?"

I was creeped out.

"I'm in love Kendall. And for this person I'm willing to do anything for. I would give my life for him."

_Him?_

"Why are you telling me this?" I asked.

He glared at me.

"Because, I want you to stay away from him!"

He was angry.

"Who?"

I stood up and paced back and forth.

He whispered something.

"Who?" I asked again.

"Carlos!"

"Carlos? You're in love with Carlos?"

He didn't say anything. All I knew is that I wanted to kill this guy.

"Yes!" He grabbed my collar. "And you better fucking stay away from him!"

"Are you kidding me?" I pushed him away. "Carlos is with ME! ME! He's MY boyfriend!"

"No! No! NO! Shut up! I love Carlos and he will be with me. Stay AWAY!"

I crossed my arms.

"Or what?"

"Or I'll tell Carlos that you and your best friend James have been fooling around."

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh don't act like you don't know!"

No way. Logan couldn't possibly know about the time I helped James. He was confusedI was only trying to help him, turns out he was only confused about being in love with Sarah. It was only one time! We swore we wouldn't tell anyone. How did Logan know?

"You can't," I whispered.

"I can and I will."

"I can't stay away! Either way he'll end up hurt!" I shouted.

"But you get to decide how it happens."

"Don't do this."

I felt the tears coming.

"Carlos will be much happier with me."

"Go to hell," I told him.

He laughed.

"I'm gonna leave now. See yah Monday."

That night, I didn't sleep. I hugged my helmet and begged for some way out of this. I knew I was going to hurt Carlos no matter what happened. How do I prevent anything from going wrong?

* * *

**crappy? i feel like it is. :/**


	20. Big Time Decision

**Big Time Decision**

"Who did you tell James?"

"No one! I swear!"

"Don't lie to me!"

"I'm not lying! Why would I want to tell anyone about _that!_"

"I don't, ugh, I don't KNOW!"

I walked around his room in circles.

"Are you sure he knows?"

"He said he would tell Carlos."

"Dude, I'm sorry. This is my fault. I know that, but I didn't tell him."

I sighed.

"Okay, I believe you," I told him.

I really did believe him. James has never done anything for me to doubt him before.

"What are you gonna do?" he asked.

"I only have two options here. I can tell him what happened with us or I can just…break up with him without him knowing anything."

"But either way-,"

"…he's going to get hurt."

After leaving James' house I went to the park. The park that brought so many memories. I was so lost in my thoughts that I had completely forgotten that I was still wearing my helmet from the night before. I hoped that it would help me find the right answer. The answer that will get me out of this and bring me back to the happiness that I was feeling just a few days ago.

I thought of the night Carlos was at my window. When he sang to me in that beautiful voice I never knew he had. I fought back the tears at the thought of how amazing it all was.

I stood up and made my way to Carlos' house. I made my decision. I knew what I had to do.

I stood in front of his door and took a deep breath. I had to do this.

"Hey Kendall!"

He was smiling. I stared at him, afraid that was the last time I was ever going to see him smile.

"Carlos, we have to talk."

"What's wrong?"

We sat on the steps outside his house.

"Kendall, talk to me."

He put his arm around me.

"Carlos, I-," I couldn't find the strength to speak.

"Kendall?" his voice was now a whisper.

"I think it would be best…if…we break up."


	21. Big Time Starting Over

**Big Time Starting Over**

Saying it was simple. Dealing with it was torture every second of the day. We agreed to stay good friends, even though we are both heartbroken. Everything still feels wrong. Wasn't this supposed to fix everything? NO! What was I thinking?

I stared at my English textbook. Class was so boring. I drew little stick figures on the side of my notebook. Nothing better to do.

In the hallway between classes, I saw Logan with a huge smile across his face. Carlos walked with him. He smiled sometimes too. That's the only thing that kept me moving forward. His happiness.

I did hang out with James more often. I felt like the third wheel though. Whenever he was going out with Sarah he always invited me to come along. Sometimes I did go, but it was uncomfortable. Whenever they would show affection towards each other, I thought of Carlos. I came to the conclusion that no matter what I did, I always ended up thinking about him.

James and I were digging through some old boxes in his basement.

"What exactly are we looking for?" I asked.

"My mom's old photo albums. We're doing a family tree project in Spanish class and I need some old pictures."

I opened a box and found some old school books.

"Is this a yearbook?"

He walked over.

"Oh yeah, those are from middle school."

I flipped though the book looking at all the little kid pictures. I came across a familiar name.

_Dak Zevon._

Where have I heard this name before?

"Hey James, who is this guy?"

I pointed.

"Oh that's Dak Zevon. He moved away, well, more like sent away."

"Sent away?"

"Yeah, his parents sent him to some military school across the country."

"Hm. Just like that?"

"The family is very religious. They found out his was gay and tried every possible way to 'fix' him. They think there's some sort of 'cure' because it's supposedly some sort of 'disease'. Pfftt, people these days."

I remembered where I heard this name before.

_FLASHBACK_

"_**Why do you hang out with Logan?"**_

_** "Logan knows something about me, that no one else k-k-knowssss."**_

_** "What is it?"**_

_** "Shhhhhhh! No one knows! We can't speak of it! It's a secret."**_

_** "How did Logan find out?"**_

_** "He saw Dak."**_

_** "Who's Dak?"**_

_**I was really confused, but I had a feeling I was getting somewhere.**_

_** "Shhhhh," he put his finger on my lips. "It's a secret! No one knows. No one can ever find out about Dak Zevon!"**_

_** "Is this why you hang around Logan so much, even though he's a total jerk."**_

_** "He'll tell everyone. I won't have it! It'll-It'll-It'll ruin me!" **_

_END FLASHBACK_

"Did he hang out with Carlos?" I asked.

"Oh yes, they were inseparable. Best friends. I don't know if they still talk, though. He's been gone for a few years now."

There was more to this story. Logan knows something that no one else does. Who knows even Carlos even remembers mentioning Dak. A part of me hopes he doesn't.

The next day at lunch with James felt like freshmen year. Everyone surrounded Carlos' table. It was like he was a celebrity all over again. Not that he ever stopped, but it did die down a little bit when we were together. I saw Logan head towards the bathroom. I followed. Once we were inside alone, I locked the door.

"Oh heyyyy, Kendork! What's the haps?"

His eyes were red and I could tell he was in the clouds.

"Logan, who is Dak Zevon?"

He laughed.

"That name sound familiar."

"Tell me who he is."

"Shh! It's a secret. No one should knowww."

He laughed louder.

"Come on! You already have Carlos you can at least tell me this!"

"I think I'll let Carlos tell you that one."

He left the bathroom. I didn't try and stop him. It was no use. He was high and it wasn't going to do any good to keep pushing it.

After school I followed Carlos until I saw him alone. I made my way to him as fast as possible trying not to look like an idiot in the hallway.

"Carlos?"

He looked up at me. Up close he didn't look as happy as I thought. His eyes were dark and sad. His face was pale and he looked really thin.

"Ken-,"

"Can we talk?"

He nodded.

"Who is-,"

"Hey Carlos! Ready to go?"

Logan put his arm around him, completely ignoring my presence. Not surprising.

"Um, yeah. Bye Kendall."

They walked away.

_What the hell?_

Logan always popped up at the worst times. Maybe I should just let it go. I was being nosey anyways. I just can't let Carlos go as easy as I thought I could. I should've thought of this more before breaking up with him. Why couldn't I just tell him the truth about the 'James' thing and faced those consequences? At least I would've been telling the truth, instead of breaking up with him and giving him no reason. It's been weeks since that day and the heartbreak only seemed to be getting worse. I made another decision without thinking twice, but I knew this one is a good one. It was time to start over, from the beginning.


	22. Big Time Chat

Big Time Chat.

I stood at my locker, staring into it blankly. I felt James standing next to me.

"Hey," he said. "Ready to go home?"

"Oh, yeah. Let's go."

We left the school and walked to our homes in silence. Lately that's how it's been. James understands how I've been feeling. As much as I try to deny it, he doesn't buy it. We turned the corner, walking on the side of the school, when I saw them. Three big guys, seniors at East High.

"Hey kiddies," they said, walking towards us.

The closer they got, the larger they seemed. James stayed behind me, holding on to my shoulders.

"Can we help you?" I asked, I heard the shaky-ness in my voice.

"We were just looking for a few nerds to pick on."

I attempted to run away, but they grabbed the both of us and threw us on the ground. They held out there hands.

"Cash up!" They shouted.

James pulled out his wallet immediately. I refused. I felt the anger building up inside of me. They snatched James money and then turned to me. I shook my head. Next thing I knew my head was hitting the cement sharply and my eye was throbbing. I opened my eyes and heard some sort of shouting. I couldn't make out what I heard. I saw two figures over me, but it wasn't the large guys. I could tell one was James. He was saying something, then he was gone. One figure was still hovering over me. My vision was blurry. I felt their hand on my forehead, pushing my hair back. They leaned closer, next to my face.

"Kendall? Can you hear me?"

That voice. _His _voice.

"Carlos?"

"Don't worry, James went to get help."

I sat up slowly and rubbed my eyes. Carlos' shadow became clearer and clearer. He was so close to me. His big brown eyes were locked on mine. He smiled. We were alone and this was my chance to get something out of him.

"Who is Dak Zevon?" I asked, surprised at how quickly that came out. I just couldn't let it go.

He looked away.

"Where did you hear that name?"

"You said it, the summer after freshmen year. You never told me exactly who he was. You just said he was a big secret."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Why does Logan hold him against you?"

He shot me an angry look.

"Why are you doing this?"

"I just want to know what's keeping you close to that creep!"

"Logan is my best friend, he's always been."

"Stop lying to yourself," I told him.

"Shut up, Kendall!"

His tone hurt me more than the punch the guy gave me.

"I just want to be here for you," I assured him.

"Why? You broke up with _me _remember?"

He stood up and leaned against the school fence, looking in the opposite direction. I still sat on the sidewalk just staring at him. I didn't understand why he didn't want to tell me about his past. Obviously, this Dak dude, was a huge part of it.

James was back moments later, with my mom. The three of us walked home, while I explained everything to her. Carlos went his own way, not saying anything else.


	23. Big Time Letting Go

Big Time Letting Go

James and I sat in my room.

"Why don't you call him?" he asked.

"I can't. I think he hates me."

"You'll never be able to fix things if you don't talk about it. Kendall, when you two were together, you both looked so happy. You can't just let it go, just like that."

James was right. I had to put Carlos first. If he doesn't want to talk about his past then he doesn't have to. I was being selfish again. He deserves to know the truth about what happened with James and I. And he deserves an explanation for everything. I don't care about Logan and what he says or does, but Carlos has to hear this from me. The time has come. Another decision made. I rubbed my helmet before walking out if my room.

"Where are you going?" James asked.

I turned to face him.

"Carlos' house."


	24. Big Time Confrontation

Big Time Confrontation

Luckily, Carlos opened the door.

"Kendall? What are you doing here?"

"I really have to talk to you."

We went up to his room.

"What's going on?" he asked.

I sat on his bed and began to tell the story.

_FLASHBACK_

It was the summer after sophomore year. James and I were sitting in his room. He looked really worried.

"What wrong?" I asked.

"Promise not to tell?"

"Yeah, I promise."

"Um, my cousin Anthony was over like two weeks ago. He…told me he was gay. I accept him and love him no matter what, but it got me thinking. How do I know that _I'm _not gay…like for sure?"

"Um…I really don't know how to respond. I guess you just know."

"How did you know?"

"Well, I met Carlos. He makes me feel like no one else can."

"But how do I know? I really, really like Sarah, but how do I know I'm not into guys too?"

I shrugged.

"Will you help me?" he asked.

"What can I possibly say or do to help?"

He took a deep breath.

"Kiss me."

'WHAT?"

"Please Kendall….if I like it, then I'll know."

"I don't know James…I can't. I'm dating Carlos. This wouldn't be fair to him."

"No one has to know. I really need your help. Please?"

Before I could protest James' lips were on mine. I let it go on for a few seconds, then I pushed him a way.

I stared at him.

"Well?" I asked.

"Yup, definitely straight!" he smiled, "thanks Kendall."

"_Thanks Kendall," _I mocked him in a silly voice, pissed at him. "We tell no one about this!"

"My lips are sealed."

_END FLASHBACK_

"You cheated on me?"

"I'm sorry, but I had to tell you. It was just to help a friend and it was sorta forced upon me," He just stared at me. "I know you hate me, but there's something else you should know. Logan-,"

"What are you doing here Kendall?"

We turned to find Logan standing in the doorway.

"I came to tell Carlos the truth!"

"Are you fucking insane? Why would you do that?"

Carlos gave him a confused look.

"You knew?" he asked.

"Carlos-,"

"You lied to me. BOTH of you. Get out of my house!"

"Carlos, please let me finish." I begged.

"I don't want you hear anything from either of you. GET OUT!"

He pushed both Logan and I out the door. As soon as Logan and I were outside, he pushed me.

"I HATE YOU!" he shouted.

"I'm not going to fight you, Logan! I did the right thing!"

"Right _thing_? THAT was your idea of doing to right thing?"

"You're an ass, Logan."

"Carlos hates me," he whispered.

"He hates both of us."

"And it's all you fault!"

He attempted to push me again, but I moved away causing him to fall to the ground. He laid there, staring out.

I left feeling almost better. The weight was lifted from my shoulders, but my heart still ached at the fact that Carlos hates me.

When I got home, I locked myself in my room and hugged my helmet, praying for a miracle.


	25. Big Time Awkward Moment

Big Time Awkward Moment

I sat in the library and doodled in my notebook. My mind was elsewhere. It was on Carlos. Everything played over and over in my head. Logan is in love with Carlos and forced me to break up with him. He threatened me and I'm an idiot, so I broke up with Carlos. Logan tried to get with him, but that failed when I told Carlos the truth about what happened with James and I. Now Carlos hates me and Logan. I smacked myself in the face. There's also this Dak Zevon kid, that has some sort of history with Carlos. I banged my head on the table. Everything just keeps falling apart. One of the things that was driving my crazy was how Logan knew about the James thing. Did he see us? No, he couldn't have. We were in James' room. His room is on the second floor of his house.

"Is this seat taken?" a familiar voice interrupted my thoughts.

Hey, Sarah. No, go ahead."

She sat down next to me.

"How are you?" she asked.

"I'm okay," I lied.

She reached for my hand and held it tight.

"You can talk to me, Kendall."

She began to caress my hand and moved closer. Was she like…trying to flirt with me or something? I slowly pulled away.

"Everything's fine. Thanks…Um, is James around?"

She shook her head and her smile stretched.

"I have to go," I told her.

She stood up immediately.

"I'll go with you!"

"Um, no, it's okay. I have to pick up Katie from her friend Sammy's house."

"Aw, okay. Well, text me!"

"Uh, …sure."

I walked out as fast as I could.

_That was weird. _

* * *

**OMG, i know these chapters have been really short lately, but don't kill me please, Xb. im just trying to keep these really well organized. i kind of got off track in my writing and i really dont wanna screw up. So since these have been really short im gonna try and keep updating by two. i hope you still enjoy, because im still working hard :D i love you readers 3**_  
_


	26. Big Time Party

Big Time Party

When I got out of the shower, I saw that I had fifteen text messages from James. Something about a party. Instead of texting him back I just called him.

"Hello?"

I could barely hear him. There was really loud music in the background.

"James? Where are you?"

"I'm at Sarah's house. She's throwing a sick party! You have to get over here NOW!"

"I'm not really up for a party."

"Come ON! Please? You need a distraction!"

I thought about it for a little bit. Maybe James was right. I needed to get out. Even if I didn't want to, I had to try. I took a deep breath.

"Okay, I'll be over in a little bit."

"YES! Hurry up!"

He hung up and I went to get dressed.

As I crossed the street to Sarah's house and I could already tell this party was out of control. I walked in and the smell of alcohol burned my nose. Groups of drunks were all over each other in corners. Logan was passed out on the couch, while the music blasted. I walked into the kitchen and saw Sarah talked to a girl. I turned to leave, but I wasn't quick enough, she saw me.

"Kendall!" she shouted.

"Oh heeyy…..Sarah. Have you seen James?"

"NOPE. But, here, have a drink," she said handing me a cup.

"Um, thanks."

She put her arms around my neck. I could tell she was completely wasted.

"I'm gonna go find James."

I took her arms off of me and had her lean on the counter. I went back into the living room. I noticed the couch was now empty. Logan must have left. I found James by the stairs.

"Hey!" he shouted.

"Hey, I think I'm gonna leave."

"What? Whyy? You just got here!"

_Truth is, I was very uncomfortable._

"I-," I was interrupted by a tap on my shoulder.

I turned to see Carlos standing there.

"Your mom said you'd be here," he said. "Can we talk?"

I was speechless so I just nodded.

We went upstairs where it was more quiet. James stayed back to make sure no one would come up and interrupt us. As soon as we were alone Carlos had me pressed against the wall. He moved his lips against mine with such an intensity, I felt like I was going to explode. He pulled away and we both stood there panting.

"I miss you Kendall."

I was in shock.

"I miss you too."

He pulled away and punched the wall right next to my head.

"Then why did you break up with me?" he shouted.

"Carlos, Logan is in love with you. He wants you all to himself. He told me that if I didn't break up with you, he would tell you about the James thing. I'm an idiot because I listened to him. I didn't think that either way you were going to hate me. I should've just told you from the beginning. I love you."

He looked up at me as I took his hands.

"Kendall, it's time I tell you about Dak Zevon."

"You don't have to."

"I do and I want to."

We sat on the carpet and he began his story.

"We were best friends, really close for a while. Eventually we developed feelings for each other and we realized that we were both into guys. We became a couple shortly after, happy as ever. We kept it a secret though, we were both terrified of it getting it out. He slowly started growing out of that. He tried holding my hand or messing around with me in public and I didn't like it. We argued about it a lot. It scared me to think people might figure it out. One day Logan saw us behind the school. Now back in these days, Logan was some-what of an outcast. I knew him from a class we had together, but that's all. By this time I had already developed a good reputation with the student body and that's what Logan craved. He said he'd tell everyone we were gay if we didn't help him become popular. We accepted him as a friend, sorta. A couple months later Dak told me that he wanted to come out to his family and he wanted me to come out to mine. I didn't agree of course. I wasn't ready for that. We argued and argued, until one day he told his parents and they decided to send him away. I was heartbroken because deep inside it's like I knew that it was going to happen. We ended it before he left and I never saw or heard from him again. I think he left hating me because I never wanted anyone to know about us, but I was terrified. I didn't want people to see me differently. Reputation was everything to me. But I won't make the same mistake again. Kendall, I love you."

I smiled and continued to listen.

"After Dak left, Logan was like my shoulder to cry on. I called him right after everything happened and he showed up at my house right away. He took care of me, I guess. Days, weeks, and months went by and Logan stayed by my side. He was a bully around school, but never to me. He listens to me too. We sorta have each others back. Now I'm not so sure about that."

"I'm here for you. I'll always have your back," I kissed his lips gently.

"Well, isn't this a beautiful moment?"

We turned to see Logan leaning in the doorway, completely wasted.

"I couldn't stop him,' James shouted from behind.

Logan put his arm around Carlos.

"Carlos, tell Kendall you love me more," he slurred.

Carlos pushed him.

"Stop it Logan!"

"Why don't you love me?" he shouted. "I've done so much for you! How could you do this to me?"

"I love Kendall and you tried to tear us apart!"

"But he and his nerdy friend were lip locking!"

"But I forgive him!"

I felt my stomach fill with butterflies.

"You do?"

He turned to me.

"Yeah."

"How did you even find out about that?" I shouted at Logan. "Were you spying on us or something?"

"Why don't you ask James?"

I saw James' eyes go wide.

"James?" I asked.

"Are you sure _he _didn't tell anyone?" Logan slurred.

"I didn't," James shook his head.

"Stop lying," said a voice from behind James.

Sarah walked around him and into the room.

"He told me and I told Logan," she said.

"Why would you do that?' James shouted at her.

I've never felt this angry with James before.

"James! You told me you didn't tell anyone!"

"So many secrets," Logan laughed. "This is quite the party Sarah."

"Thank you," she smiled, flipping her hair.

"Oh," Logan began. "You see Sarah here, became my partner in crime. She was helping me the whole time. She wanted the good weed from me so she did me the favor and dug for something juicy from James about Kendall. Once I had the perfect information, I used it to my advantage, which is now an epic fail. She also had a crush on Kendall. But anyways, looks like you little friend isn't as trustworthy as you thought, huh Kendall?"

"Fuck you Logan."

He walked up to Carlos.

"I'll be back for you, baby," he kissed his cheek.

"It's like I don't even know you anymore Logan," Carlos told him.

"Maybe you never really knew me at all."

He walked out with Sarah linked on his arm.

I noticed James falling apart in the hallway. I was angry with him, yes. But right now, he really needed me. I asked Carlos to wait for me in the room while I went to comfort James.

"It's okay," I told him. "It'll all get better. I promise."

"You're not mad at me?" he asked.

"I was, but I don't want to loose you. You're my best friend."

He hugged me.

"I really liked her."

"I know James. I know."

He pulled away.

"I'm okay. Thanks. Now you get back in there and be with Carlos."

"What? Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Now go!"

"Okay. Okay."

I walked back into the room and found Carlos leaning against a dresser.

"Hey," I said.

"Is James okay?"

"Yeah, I think, sorta."

He shook his head.

"So much was said today."

"Yeah, I know."

He reached for my hand and brought it up to his lips. He kissed it softly.

"Carlos?"

"Hm?"

I pulled his hand, turning him around so that he was right in front of me.

"Be mine again?"

He smiled, his real smile. The smile I haven't seen in so long. The one I missed and the one I love.

"I'll always be yours."


	27. Big Time Summer I

Big Time Summer I

June

About a week after the party Logan was sent away to get help for his drug problem. Turns out it was worse then we thought. He got into a fight at school and he was arrested. His mom couldn't take it anymore, she knew he needed help. She only did what was best for him. It was also best for everybody else. Sarah is still around, but she stays away. We don't intend on speaking with her anyway. She hangs out with two other girls around school. I don't hear much about her. Ever since her party, it seems like she's trying not to drag too much attention towards herself.

I stood at my locker and watched everyone and everything. I took it all in. Today is the last day of junior year. Everyone was going nuts. This year has gone by so slowly and we all just wanted it to end. Four hours of finals, then freedom. Next year, my class will rule the school. Graduation feels closer and closer everyday.

Tomorrow Carlos will be leaving on vacation with his family. They're going to Italy this year. Carlos promised he'd take me next year. He would convince his parents. I still can't get used to the fact that I won't be seeing him for three months. Especially since my birthday was over the summer. I felt his hand slip in mine, interrupting my thoughts.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked.

"You."

He gave my hand a squeeze. I loved begin open about our relationship, it made everything feel so complete.

"You're such a cheese ball," he teased. I stuck my tongue out at him. "So are we still hanging out tonight?"

"Yup!"

"What do you have planned?"

"I dunno, just thought we'd enjoy each other's company."

"I always enjoy that."

"Good."

I walked him to his class then headed to mine.

After school Carlos and I hung out at the park for a little bit. Then we headed to my house. We lay in my bed and he snuggled under my chin.

"Carlos, did I ever tell you about my helmet?"

"No, I don't think so. What helmet?"

I sat up and grabbed my helmet from under my bed. I spent about an hour telling Carlos everything about my past, with my dad, and dealing without him being around. I also told him about me believing my helmet brought luck. Then again, I also believed it didn't. He didn't judge me when I spoke and I loved that. I loved that he just listened even though I was just blabbing, but it felt really good. I really believed that he cared. Even if he couldn't relate or anything, he still tried to help.

After I finished he pulled me into a kiss, it got heated quickly.

"I love you, Carlitos."

"I love you too," he smiled and snuggled back underneath my chin.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" I whispered.

I felt him hold his breath.

"Okay," he said, releasing it.

Eventually he called his mom and told her he'd be home first thing in the morning. I knew how terrible I felt when he was away for so long, I just wanted him to stay with me all night. I don't plan on anything happening but I'm okay with that. I just want him here.

The next morning, my mom made us delicious pancakes that Carlos took to-go, because he had to get going. He said goodbye to my mom and Katie, then I walked him to the door. We stood outside on the porch.

"I'll see you soon love," he said, pulling me into a hug.

"Have a safe trip. I'm gonna miss you so much."

"I'm gonna miss you too. I love you."

I kissed him.

"I love you too."

"I promise I'll bring you back the best birthday present ever!"

I smiled, "Okayy."

I watched him drive away. He was gone again and I felt empty once more.

Later that afternoon I sat in the living room and surfed through channels. I didn't notice when my mom sat next to me.

"Sweetie, I know you're bummed about Carlos leaving, but why you don't you go out and do something? Give James a call? Maybe got out to lunch or something?"

"I dunno, Mom."

"Come on, you should go out."

"…Maybe…"

She gave up and went back into the kitchen. I really was considering going out. I had to get used to this and I know it. Carlos was away and I had to distract myself.

* * *

James and I decided to go to Jamba Juice on this super hot day. Katie came along. She wouldn't leave James' side.

"Katie! Stop being so weird! You act like you never see James!" I shouted.

She stuck her tongue out and James laughed.

"It's cool dude. She's cute."

"Dude, she's my sister," I said, in a disgusted way.

"But she's also like, what, seven?"

I gave him a look.

"Soo…," Katie began. "James do you have a girlfriend?"

"KATIE!" I shouted.

James looked down to his hands.

"No, I don't," he whispered.

I glared at Katie. She didn't do it on purpose, I know. She had no idea what went on with Sarah. She knew that they crushed on each other, but she didn't know what happened at the party. James gave Katie a smile. But I knew inside he was reminded of Sarah.

We sat at our table in silence for a little bit. Jamba Juice wasn't crowded for a change. Most people were out buying ice cream instead. Outside I saw a couple sitting on a bench eating ice pops. I thought about the time Carlos and I had ice cream late at night, we we're having a great time. Then Logan appeared. It was the night he convinced me that it would be best to break up with Carlos. My idiot-self thought it was the right thing to do. I shook the thought away. I'm so glad that's all over.

We finished our drinks then headed back to my house. James and I hung out in my room. He pulled my helmet out from under my bed.

"You still believe this thing brings good luck?" he asked, putting it on.

"I dunno," I shrugged.

He started to rub it and whisper something.

"You think it'll bring ME good luck?" he asked.

"I dunno," I shrugged again.

"What's wrong?"

I sighed.

"I just…miss him."

He sat next to me and handed me my helmet.

"I'm sure he misses you too. The summer is gonna fly by. He'll be back in no time."

I threw my helmet on.

"I sure hope so."

He smiled.

* * *

I took Katie to the library on a weekend. James came along to keep me company while she was in there. We sat on a bench outside and we made fun of dorky couples, like Carlos and I used to. Well we only did it once, but still. I spotted Sarah with her group of friends across the street. I turned to James immediately.

"It's okay," he said. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure? We can leave."

"No, really, I'm okay. It's time to move on."

I put my arm around him and smiled.

Sarah and her friends walked into the Starbucks across the street. I felt James relax next to me. I stood up and faced him.

"Let's go for a walk."

"But what about Katie?"

"She'll text me when she's done. Come on."

"Alright."

We went for a walk around town. It was mostly silent, but we're here for each other and that's what we both needed. After turning a corner I felt James stop. I turned to him. His eyes were wide and his face was pale.

"James? What's wrong?" I asked.

A guy walked towards us with a goofy grin on his face.

"James Diamond?" he asked.

He was tall figure. His hair was short and black. Eyes the color of walnuts.

"Oh my god," James said. "Dak? Dak Zevon?"

I felt my heart sink to my stomach. This was him? Here? Now?

"Wow, how have you been James?"

He seemed excited.

"I'm good. What about you? What are you doing here?"

"I'm fine. I moved into an apartment around here."

"Wow. Um, this is Kendall."

"Hi, I'm Dak."

"Hi," was all I could squeeze out.

"So James, um, have you talked to Carlos? Do you know how he's doing?"

He stared at his feet when he asked, but I could still see him blushing.

"Oh Carlos," James began. "He's doing good. He's actually on vacation with his family right now."

"Oh, um, do you know if he's seeing anyone?"

"Yes, actually!" I answered that one.

He looked up at me.

"Um, Kendall is Carlos' boyfriend."

"Um, oh."

I stared him down. Could it be possible that he still had feelings for Carlos? He's been gone for years. Did he really expect to find Carlos waiting around for him? I felt my phone vibrate. It was a text from Katie.

"We have to go," I told James. "Katie is ready."

"Okay," he nodded.

"I'll see you guys around," said Dak, waving.

James responded with a 'see yah,' but I didn't look back.

* * *

**OoOoOh! So now that Dak is back, what do you think will happen? Just curious to know what you guys think. :) There's only gonna be a maybe two or three more chapters till the ending. it's been a long one and im dying to start my new stories, well i still gotta finish Found too, but GAH! so much! hehe, but yeah, let me know what you guys thought of this chapter, it means a lot. i love you guys :D  
**


	28. Big Time Summer II

Big Time Summer II

July

Katie walked into my room holding a notepad and a fluffy pen. I put my guitar aside and gave her a look. She sat on my bed and smiled at me.

"May I ….help …you?" I asked.

"I'm here to help plan out your birthday party."

"Katie, my birthday is in three days. You can't plan a party in three days."

"Yes, I can."

"Besides, I already told mom I didn't want to do anything for my birthday."

"But why?"

She didn't look like she was going to give up anytime soon.

"Because it's just my birthday Katie, it's nothing special."

"All birthdays are special."

"Not mine," I whispered.

"Is this because of Carlos not being here?"

I didn't respond. Sometimes I wondered if Katie was freakin' psychic. She always seemed to know when something was up with me. My silence answered her question.

"It'll be okay Big Brother. Carlos will be home soon. I just don't want you to be miserable all summer again, like last year, and the year before."

"Thanks Baby Sister. But I really don't want a party for my birthday this year."

"Okay," she said with a sigh.

* * *

The next day I went next door to James' house. Last night he adopted a kitten and he was dying to show her to me.

"What did you name her?" I asked.

"Puddles. Her name is Puddles."

"Nice. Very original."

He smiled.

"So your birthday is coming up…"

I rolled my eyes.

"James, please don't worry about it. Its just gonna be another hot Fourth Of July."

"I'm still getting you something."

"You-,"

"HEY!" he interrupted. "I'm….still…getting…you something."

I put my hands in front of me, letting him know I gave up.

"Alright, alright," I said.

We played with Puddles for a little while. There was no hiding of James' love for animals. He was so playful with them. And Puddles seemed to love him just as much. It made me laugh the way the kitten would attach itself to James' shirt. James didn't think it was very funny, since it was his lucky white v-neck that he loved so much.

Later in the afternoon, we went into his kitchen and made ourselves some grilled cheese sandwiches.

"James?"

"Hm?" He mumbled, taking a bite of his sandwich.

"Do you think Dak is going to try and win Carlos back?" I said, not making eye contact with him.

"Honestly, I don't know, dude."

"I'm….I'm afraid."

"Kendall, don't be afraid. Carlos loves you. Dak is his past. You're his present and future. He won't leave you."

I didn't respond. I just sorta smiled at my best friend.

He smiled back.

"Now eat your sandwich," he demanded.

I chuckled.

Moments later there was a knock on the door.

"Were you expecting someone?" I asked.

"No…"

He went open the door and I followed. It was Sarah. I saw James go pale. I was afraid he was gonna pass out.

"What do you want Sarah?" I asked, speaking for James.

"Can I come in?"

James hesitated, but he nodded.

We went into the living room and I glared at her as she sat there.

"Well?" I asked her.

James sat in silence.

"I'm sorry. I'm really really really sorry. I'm a terrible person. I shouldn't have done what I did." She turned to James. "I used you and I hate myself for it. I was stupid. I'm so sorry. To both of you. I don't expect you to forgive me. I just really wanted you to know that."

She stood up and headed towards the door.

"Wait," James said running after her.

I followed.

She turned to face us, tears in her eyes.

"Look I said I was sorry," she said.

"You were terrible to us!"

I jumped at James shouting. I didn't see it coming.

"I know," she whispered.

"I suffered because of you, KENDALL suffered because of you!"

"I know! Stop repeating it! I know! I know! I KNOW!"

She began to chew on her nails. She looked nervous, sick, pale, dried out almost.

"I think you should get some help Sarah, like honestly," I said.

"I only came here to apologize. I don't need help. I'm fine," and with that she was gone.

She shut the door behind her.

"Wow," James whispered.

"Dude, she was high. She wasn't herself. Truthfully, I didn't believe a word."

"Me either. I never really knew her."

I put my arm around him.

"It's okay bud. It's not your fault. Hopefully she gets help."

"Yeah…hopefully."

* * *

"Are you sure you don't want to do anything tomorrow?"

"Katie, for the last time, I don't want to celebrate my birthday. If you want, we can go see the fireworks and celebrate the Fourth of July, but no birthday stuff."

"But-,"

"No buts. Conversation over."

"Fine."

She left the kitchen, leaving my mom and I alone to wash the dishes we used for lunch.

"Don't be so hard on her Sweetie. She just wants you to have a good day."

"I know, but, …I just don't want to do anything tomorrow."

She turned to face me.

"I'm sure Carlos would want you to have a good birthday," she said.

"Carlos isn't here right now, Mom!"

I dropped to plate I was drying on the counter and went up to my room. When I shut my door I felt the regret hit me. Mom and Katie are only trying to help and here I was treating them like shit. I felt like a monster. They don't deserve it.

Later that night I played my guitar for a little bit, relaxed a little, and decided to go apologize to Mom and Katie. Of course, they forgave me right away, but I didn't forgive myself that easily. I still felt terrible.

"Don't worry about it honey," My mom said.

"I guess I'll let the party thing go," Katie added.

I smiled at the both of them.

"I love you," I told them.

"We love you to Sweetie."

* * *

I woke up the next morning feeling more tired than usual. It was odd. I went into the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror. I looked so gross.

"Happy 17th Birthday," I told my reflection.

I thought of the previous summers, my birthdays without Carlos. I remember the first summer that I knew Carlos. He was all I could think about. I cursed at myself for missing him. I was still unaware of my feelings, even though they seemed pretty clear to everyone else. That was the day that Sarah moved in also. That's when her and James got to know each other. That night I hugged my helmet to sleep wishing I could've gone to see the fireworks with Carlos. I ended up on my bed again, wearing my helmet. Just thinking. Thinking about Carlos, because that's all my mind could do. Especially when he's not around.

I went down to the kitchen and found my mom making chocolate chips waffles.

"It smells so good down here Mom," I said.

"I know these are your favorite," she said hugging me. "Happy Birthday, Honey."

"Thanks Mom."

I felt Katie hug my waist.

"Happy Birthday Big Bro."

"Thanks Katie."

We sat down and had a delicious breakfast. Mom told us stories about when Katie and I were babies. Most of them we knew already, but it was always nice to hear them again. It kept us laughing and it kept me distracted. I did think about Carlos, but I didn't feel lonely or depressed. I knew he'd be back next month and I kept a positive attitude.

That evening I received a text from James.

_Wanna come over later? Around 9?_

_Sure. _

_Good cause I have your birthday present. Don't try and stop me!_

_Okay James, whatever._

_:b_

I decided to take a quick shower before I went next door. I slipped on a t shirt and a pair of my favorite jeans. I passed the time by playing my guitar. Next thing I knew. It was nine o'clock. I headed out.

"Hey," James said, more excited than usual. "Happy Birthday," he said hugging me.

"Thanks dude. But remember, it's no big deal."

"Right. Got it. Come in."

"How's Puddles doing?" I asked.

"She's fine. Let's go into the living room."

"Okay. Hey are you okay? You seem really hyper."

"Me? Oh, I'm fine. Are you fine? Cause I'm fine."

"Yeah…"

He stopped before turning into the living room.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

He smiled and pushed me into the room. I felt like my heart stopped beating and I think it actually did.

"Hey, Kendall. Happy Birthday."

Carlos stood up from the couch and ran into my arms.

"You're here," I said, pulling him tighter.

"Yeah, I wanted to be with you today."

I cupped his face in my hands and kissing him. We kissed and kissed and kissed until neither of us could breathe. It felt so good to feel his figure against mine. I missed it terribly.

James cleared his throat behind me.

"Now," he said. "Don't kill me, Kendall."

"What did you do?" I asked.

"Follow me."

He lead us up to his room and we stopped at his window. Outside the rooftop of his garage was a picnic set up.

"The fireworks start in ten, you guys should head out there," James smiled.

"You did this for us?" Carlos asked.

"Well, it's kind of Kendall's birthday present, but it's for both of you."

I hugged James super tight.

"Thanks man. You're my best friend."

"Happy Birthday. Now get out there. And don't worry, my curtains will be shut and I'll be downstairs anyways."

Carlos and I sat on the rooftop hugging each other.

"I still can't believe you're here," I said.

"We'll I did my best to get here. I wanted to spend at least one birthday with you," he smiled.

"And hopefully many more?"

"Definitely many more."

"Good."

Last time we were on this rooftop was on New Years Day. We shared a movie-like kiss at midnight. It was really romantic. There was fireworks and cheering, well not for us but it only made the moment more powerful.

We spent the evening watching the fireworks as I rested my head on his chest. Hearing his heart beat made me feel complete again. Nothing could ruin this moment. I was happy, Carlos was happy, but more importantly, we were happy together.

"Carlos, can I asked you something?" I sat up to face him.

"What is it, love?"

"If, um, if Dak Zevon came back, would you…would-,"

"I'll never leave you Kendall."

I smiled, but it quickly faded when I realized I had to tell him that he was back.

"He's in town," I told him. "James and I ran into him last month. He moved into an apartment here."

"He did?"

I nodded.

"Kendall, don't be afraid. I love you. I loved Dak once, but that's over and I've learned to deal with that and move on."

"So you're not gonna go back to him?" I felt like crying at that point.

"Of course not! I would never leave you! I love you SO fucking much, Kendall, that it hurts."

"I love you too."

I pulled him into a kiss and hugged him tight.

"Oh I almost forgot!" he said, digging in his pocket.

"What is it?"

"I got you a birthday present," he continued to dig. "Wait….it's not here…NO! I couldn't have possible lost it!"

"Carlitos, don't worry about it. It's okay."

"But now I have nothing!" he stuck his hands into his other pockets, nothing.

"CARLOS!" I pulled his closer. "You didn't have to get me anything. You being here was the greatest gift I could have. This is the best birthday ever."

"Really?"

I kissed him.

"Yeah. .Ever."

* * *

**So it's decided, one more chapter lefttt! gah! its been a long one. i started this during Christmas Break! Damn! Well anyways, hope this chapter wasn't so boring. Idk when i'll ill be updating next, tomorrow is graduation sooooo maybe til the weekend, but anywayss, thanks readers, i love you foreverrr :)**


	29. Big Time Move

Big Time Move

August

Katie, her friend Sammy, James, Carlos and I all went to the water park on a hot day in August. Everything has been going great since Carlos convinced his parents to come home early from their trip. It meant so much to me that he came for my birthday. It was the best birthday ever. We have three weeks until school starts again. I'm sort of looking forward to it too. It's my senior year and it's our turn to rule the school. We're all pretty excited. I know James is. It's been an insane three years so far. Thinking about freshmen year made me realize how much Carlos has changed; from the people he hangs out with to his attitude and then to his view on life. Another memory that'll ill never forget was how I met James. We tried to save that poor squirrel. Looking back, it was kinda funny. James is such an animal lover.

"What are you thinking about?" Carlos asked.

"Just the first week of freshmen year," I chuckled.

Carlos and I sat in the shallow end of the wave pool, while James, Katie and Sammy went in deeper. I watched James interact with my sister. He treated her just like if he were her brother too. He was kind to her, even knowing that she has a creepy crush on him.

I felt Carlos scoot closer to me.

"You excited for school?" I asked, resting my head on his shoulder.

He kissed my forehead.

"Yeah, of course. It's senior year. We have homecoming, prom, and graduation. I can't wait."

"I didn't know you wanted to go to the dances," I said.

"Well, I do now that I have someone to go with."

"Is this your way of asking me to be your date?"

"Maybe...," he giggled.

I kissed his cheek.

"Well, I accept."

"Good," he smiled.

We spent a couple more hours at the park. Then Katie started complaining about how she was really tired, so we decided to head home. James, Katie and Sammy all fell asleep in the back seat. I sat in the front and watched Carlos while he drove. He had one hand on the wheel and the other holding mine. I rested my head on the seat and just looked at him, smiling. I was just really happy.

"You're making me nervous," he chuckled.

"Sorry, I can't help it. I can't look away."

"Oh shush."

"I'm serious. You're beautiful," I told him.

He turned to me.

"I love you," he said.

I felt like I did the first time he said it. My heart felt like it was going to explode.

"I love you too, Carlitos."

He gave my hand a squeeze and went back to watching to road.

* * *

The next morning I was woken up by my mom.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"There's something I have to tell you."

"Are you okay? Where's Katie?"

"We're fine, honey."

"Then…"

"It's about…my job. The company, they're transferring me…again."

"What? Where?"

She swallowed hard.

"To…New York City."

"Wha…New…New York? Mom, that's like hours from here. We're in freakin Minnesota!"

"I know, honey. I'm so sorry."

"No, this…this can't be happening." I took a deep breath. "When do we leave?"

"Three days. They already have an apartment for us."

"Three days…three days…I only have three days," I mumbled to myself.

She pushed my hair from my face.

"I'm so sorry, sweetie. You know I need to work."

"I know…"

She kissed my forehead.

"I'm going to go talk to Katie."

She left my room. I fell back on my pillow and let the tears fall. This cannot be happening. I've never been so happy in any other home. I had everything here. A best friend, and a boyfriend. Carlos, my Carlos was all I could think about. What the hell am I going to do? Just yesterday we were making plans about going to homecoming and prom together, about enjoying our senior year together and then graduate together. Everything fell apart in a matter of minutes. I felt like my life was over.

After getting myself out of bed around noon, I went next door. James opened the door.

"Hey man, what's-,"

I didn't let him finish. I ran into his arms and started crying my eyes out again. He held me, then took me up to his room. I let myself fall onto his bed.

"Dude…what happened?" he asked.

"I'm….moving," I said, wiping my face.

"What? Why? But…but,"

"My mom's job is transferring her to New York. We leave in three days."

"But you're my best friend. I don't know what I'm going to do without you, Kendall."

"You're my best friend too, James. I've never had a friend like you. I'm sorry."

We didn't say anything for a while.

"Are you going to tell Carlos?" he finally asked.

"Yeah. I have to. I can't just leave."

"…right. Sorry."

"I just…I don't know how I'm going to do it. It'll be heartbreaking."

"I'll go with you if you want," he offered.

"No, it's okay. I'm not ready anyways."

"You only have three days."

"Yeah…three days."

James and Mrs. Diamond invited me to stay for dinner, but honestly I wasn't hungry. I went to the park and hung out there for a while. I swung on the swings and laid in the grass watching the sunset. I was alone, to think. To try and straighten things out in my head and figure out exactly how I'm going to tell Carlos.

I got home pretty late at night. Katie was asleep and my mom was waiting for me in the kitchen. I told her I was at James' and that I went for a walk afterwards. She told me to go to bed and I made my way up to my room.

I didn't sleep that night.

* * *

The next day I stayed in bed. I didn't eat or drink anything. I was devastated. My mom came up a few times and tried to get me up, but I refused. Even Katie came by. James called and texted. Carlos texted me a few times too. His were the only ones I replied to. I got up to use the bathroom once and scared myself when I saw my reflection. I looked worn out and pale, but I didn't care.

Next thing I knew, it was night time again. It was storming outside. The rain hit my window hard and loud. Katie made her way in my room and sat on my bed.

"I'm not getting up," I told her.

"I know," she nodded. "I just wanted to talk about the move."

"Yeah, well its happening."

"It doesn't matter so much to me. But I'm only sad because I know it makes you sad. I know you really want to stay here."

"Yeah."

"You have James and Carlos…"

"Katie, you're not really making me feel better."

"Sorry."

She reached over and grabbed my helmet from the side table. She stared at it in her hands.

"Maybe your lucky helmet ran out of luck," she said as she left.

Suddenly, it was all clear to me. Everything. I grabbed my helmet and ran downstairs. I knew exactly what I was going to do. My mom stopped me near the door.

"Kendall, you are not going out in this weather."

"Mom, please. I have to talk to Carlos."

"No, it bad out there and I refuse to let you leave!"

"This is something I have to do!"

I ran outside and realized that I didn't have the keys to her car. I knew going back in would take too long so I just ran to Carlos' house. I was soaked, but I didn't care. My pajamas felt heavier and heavier. I was barefoot, but I didn't feel anything below my feet. When I finally got to his house I banged on the door. Luckily, he was the one to open it.

"Kendall, what's going on?"

"Carlos, I have to talk to you," I shouted over the thunder.

"Come in," he said. "Is everything okay? Did you walk here?"

We went up to his room and he handed me a towel. I didn't use it.

"What's wrong?" he asked hugging me.

I couldn't help, but to start crying again.

"Kendall," he whispered. "Talk to me please."

I could hear his voice crack. He was crying too, but didn't even know why I was here yet.

"Carlos," I kept his face close. "I'm moving…"

He didn't say anything.

"Tomorrow," I finished.

"Why? But-,"

"My mom's job. I'm moving to New York."

"New York?"

I nodded.

He put his face in his hands and I wrapped my arms around him.

"I don't want to leave you," I said.

I sat up immediately.

"Stay with me. Live here with my family."

He was serious and I knew it.

"I can't," I told him.

"Why not? Why the hell NOT?"

I knew he was angry now, but he didn't understand.

"Because, Carlos, my mom an Katie need me. They need a man in the house. They need my support! They need ME!"

He stood up and punched the wall.

"Kendall, I need you TOO!"

I didn't know what to say or do. He stared out his window into the storm. He could hear him crying. I came back and kneeled next to me.

"Please, Kendall, stay here and live with me. We'll…we'll go to school together, go to homecoming, prom and then graduate together. We can spend the rest of our lives with each other. I love you Kendall. Just stay with me please."

I held my wet helmet out to him. He gave me a confused look.

"On first day of school, I prayed that my helmet would bring me good luck. When I got home that day, I was pissed because I didn't have a good day. I slowly stopped believing in this. Looking back I felt like such an idiot, you know why?"

He shook his head.

"Because it was always lucky, my helmet. I didn't realize that the first day of school was actually the luckiest day of my life. I found you. You changed my life. You're all I ever wanted. I want you to keep it."

"Kendall…"

"Please keep it, because it truly is lucky."

He held it in his hands.

"Stay with me," he whispered.

I kissed him passionately, making it the greatest last kiss. Then I stood up and hugged him.

"I love you, Carlos and I'm sorry."

He didn't follow me and I didn't want him to. I walked slowly in the pouring rain. I couldn't even tell if I was crying. When I finally got home, my mom was waiting for me. I didn't acknowledge her. I just went up to my room. Katie was there. I didn't have to say anything. She knew where I had gone. I didn't sleep that night either. Katie stayed with me and I told her about how I gave Carlos my helmet and about his offer to stay with him. Katie was young, but she was a very good listener. She was mature for her age and it was easy for me to get along with her. I love her.

* * *

Today was the day, and once again I was woken up by my mom. I was hoping that I was waking up from a terrible nightmare. I was wrong.

"Honey, can we talk?" she asked, softly.

"What's wrong?" I asked, worried once more.

"Nothing, I just wanted to talk to you about the move."

I let out a loud sigh.

"Mom-,"

"Please, sweetie, let me talk."

"Okay."

"Ever since your dad left, I've been trying really hard to keep this family together. I wanted to make sure you and your sister had the best possible. It was difficult, not just for me, but mostly for you two. You, both, have suffered the most. Moving to new states, homes, attending different schools, everything was always changing. I knew you were never happy, but you still accepted it. Kendall, you're strong and you've helped us get through the toughest times. You're older now and sooner or later you're going to end up going to college and Katie and I will be home."

"I wasn't going to go away to college, Mom. I was going to stay home, get a job, help you, support you."

"But that'll be stopping you from living your life, from begin happy."

"I'm happy keeping you two."

She smiled.

"Kendall, Katie told me about Carlos' offer. I want you to accept it."

I couldn't believe the words coming out of her mouth.

"What? No," I said. "I won't let you and Katie go alone."

"We all grown up, honey, and so are you."

"Who's going to take care of Katie when you're working, who's going to take her and pick her up from school?"

"She's growing up. Kendall, she can do those things on her own now. I'm not saying we don't need you. We'll always need you, but you have to live your life. There's going to be a time when Katie goes out and lives her life too. It's going to happen, but we'll always support each other."

"Mom…"

"Sweetie, stay here. It's what you really want."

I didn't know what to say. She stood up with a smile and left my room. I was left speechless. I wasn't going to stay. I couldn't let her and Katie go alone without a man in the house. We've never been separated. We were always with each other and we were always there for each other. There was no way I was going to stay.

So how did I end up here? On Carlos' porch, with my suitcase, and crap? Katie and mom were on the plane right now. So if things didn't work out, then I was pretty much screwed. But, this felt right. I felt like this is where I belonged, where I was meant to be. Carlos opened the door, he was holding the helmet. I didn't say anything, I shrugged and just smiled.

"Wow, you were right," he said, stepping outside. "you just proved it," he stood close to me and looked up into my eyes. "This helmet really is lucky."

* * *

**OMG! it's overrr! THE END! was it crappy? idkkk but gahhh! this is exciting for me. ive been working on this for soooooooooo looonnngggggg. eeeek! lots of huggss and kisses to everyone who kept up. i appreciate youu. ill be finishing Found next, then i will start posting my new ones. thanks again, i love my readers 3**


	30. Big Time Epilogue

Big Time Epilogue

This afternoon I watched two of the greatest people in my life walk across our stage, and they watched me. All I could think was that 'we made it, and we made it far, through tough situations.' Now we're here at James' house celebrating. Mom and Katie came down from New York for the weekend. We were all together having a good time.

Carlos and I were talking to Katie when James walked up to us. A girl stood at his side. She was short, but very cute.

"Hey guys, I want you to meet 'Aina. She works at Jamba Juice," James said, blushing.

I saw Carlos wiggle his eyes brows at James, causing him to blush more.

"Hey 'Aina, I'm Kendall. And this is my sister Katie," I looked down, but Katie was gone. 'Aina gave me a confused look. "Okay? Anyways, and this is my boyfriend Carlos."

"Nice to meet you guys. Congrats on your graduation."

"Thanks," I smiled.

I saw James bounce up.

"OH 'Aina, you have to meet Puddles! My kitten, she's adorable!"

"Okay," 'Aina smiled.

I saw James searching for Puddles, with a worried look on his face. I told Carlos to keep 'Aina company while I went over to James.

"Dude, I can't find Puddles!"

"Where was she last?" I asked.

"I thought she was inside, but my mom said she thought she was out here."

"Let's try the out front."

He nodded.

We made our way to the front and searched everywhere. We looked behind the bushes and under the porch, nothing. Puddles had disappeared.

"I don't know where she is, dude," I turned to find James' staring across the street. "James?"

I looked over and saw Sarah walking towards us, Puddles in her arms.

"I'll handle this," I said, walking forward.

"No," he pulled me back. "It's okay."

"I'm guessing you guys are looking for this adorable kitten?" Sarah asked.

"Yeah, we are," I answered before James could.

"I don't know how she ended up on my porch," She said, handing her over to James.

"Thanks," James whispered.

Something seemed different about Sarah. She didn't look so pale anymore. She let her wavy hair down and she just seemed happier. After James had Puddles, Sarah still stood here. It was a bit awkward.

"Wasn't it hilarious when Buddy Simmons tripped while walking across the stage today?" She asked, giggling.

I was taken by surprise when she asked, but thinking about Buddy falling made James and I, both laugh.

"Yeah and did you see his mom's reaction? I thought she was gonna pass out!" James added.

We all laughed together at the thought.

"Did you guys see Jenny Tinkler's make up?" I asked.

"Yes!" Sarah bounced. "It looked like she came from the clown convention."

"So true!" James smiled.

It got quiet again.

"So, um, I'll see you guys around," Sarah said, walking home.

James and I looked at each other.

"Wait," I said.

"Do you want to come out back for a burger or something?" James asked.

Sarah smiled, "I'd like that."

The three of us went out back. Carlos ran up to me and pulled me aside.

"Dude, why is Sarah here?"

"I guess her and James sorta silently put things behind them. I'll support whatever he does, even though a part of me still doesn't trust her."

"I guess we'll see what happens."

"Yeah," I said.

"He really seems to like 'Aina though."

"I know right! They look adorable together too."

"Not as adorable as we look together," he said with a huge grin on his face.

"Of course not," I laughed.

We joined the others and spent the rest of the evening talking about silly things we did throughout the year.

* * *

"Are you sure you boys have everything you need?"

"Mom, we're going to be fine."

"Alright fine, but be careful!"

"Promise," said Carlos.

I gave my mom a hug.

Carlos and I were going on a camping trip for the weekend, just the two of us. I was really excited and I could tell he was too. He's been talking about it for weeks.

As soon as we got in the car he took a hold of my hand.

"I'm really excited, Kendall. We finally get to go on our camping trip!"

"Me too. It's going to be amazing," I smiled.

We drove to the campsite and got everything set up for the night. We lit up a campfire and had a small dinner.

"Do you ever think about all the bad situations we've been through?" he asked.

The question kind of took me by surprise.

"Sometimes, but I don't like to. I like to think of all the good times we've had and WILL have in the future. Do you think about the bad things?"

"Once in a while, but it only reminds me of how good I have it now. I'm glad we got through everything, worked it all out. No one ever really separated us."

I put my arm around him and moved him closer.

"I love you," I whispered in his ear.

"I love you too."

He sat up and gave me a confused look.

"What?" I asked.

He stood up, lifted his head and took in a deep breath.

"I LOVE YOU KENDALLLLLLL!" he shouted with all his might.

My jaw dropped. The guy drives me nuts. I jumped to my feet and cleared my throat.

"I LOVE YOU CARLOSSSSSSSS!"

Here I am shouting at the top of my lungs how much I love this guy. Nothing else matters right now, no one else matters. These are the times I'll always remember.

"YOU'RE ADORABLEEEEEEEE!" he shouted, coughing at the end.

"HEY CARLOS?"

"YEAH, KENDALL?"

"WILL YOU STAY WITH ME FOREVER?"

His smile faded. He wore a look that I didn't recognize. I was afraid that maybe it was too much. Maybe I blew it, but its how I feel. I want him to be with me forever. I want him to be mine all the time, until this world ends.

Just when I was about to lose all hope. He took my hands in his and his smile returned.

"You're so silly," he chuckled.

"…I…am?"

"Yeah…."

"Carlos, will you-,"

"Shush," he said, putting his finger up to my mouth. "You don't have to ask me twice," he laughed.

"So is that a …yes?"

"No."

"NO?"

"No, it's a FUCK YES!"

* * *

_Okay so i hope i didnt totally ruin the story completely with this. i know it took me forever, but i did my best. i hope i didnt disappoint everyone who asked for an epilogue._ GAH! Please forgive me if i failed you. Dx but yeah OMG **Kenlos is Love**, did you get? did you get it? did you like it? did you like it? (i felt like writing it twice) Eepp! So yeah the story is officially complete! I will be writing no more of this. i really wanna move on to my new stuff, and finish Found, eventually. Hope you guys check those out. Thanks again to EVERYONE who read. i REALLLLLY love you guys :D **P.S Oh yeah i also couldnt come up with a better title, so that part pretty much sucked. So much for creativity. **


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